


Late Night Phone Calls

by DonTheRock



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: 1990s, 90s, Chocolate Chocolate Chip Muffin, Fluff and Angst, Forbidden Love, Gay, Gay Male Character, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, LGBTQ Themes, M/M, Not-So-Scary-Basketball-Guy, Teen Romance, Underdog, Young Love, soft, suggested violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-07
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-01-06 12:28:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 36,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18388460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DonTheRock/pseuds/DonTheRock
Summary: Set in 1997, high schooler, Cyrus Goodman, has never known much about TJ Kippen, aside from what his friends have said. After an accidental meeting, Cyrus is quickly introduced to the bad side of the TJ, but a little more digging reveals that the captain of the basketball team may be softer on the inside than he lets show. Soon, the two boys begin to feel more for each other than society says they should. With the world working to break them apart, will the two boys have the strength to stay together?* Homophobic slurs will be in this story, but they will be censored, because I hate them.





	1. Prologue

**Cyrus' POV**

 

The halls fill with people as soon as the bell rings. With a stack of books tucked under my arm, I make my way through the crowded school to get to my next class. The stairwell is always busy between classes, and the fact that I'm squeezed in between two other teenagers means that I can't hold onto the railing as I descend. This is ultimately what I blame as the reason why I lose my balance when my foot catches on a step. 

My books splatter across the floor as I tumble down the last three stairs and land on my hands and knees in the centre of the mess. Above me, kids peer down at me while they snicker to each other and step around the clumsy kid blocking their way. I scramble to pick up my things, but it's difficult to do with people stepping on each of my books as they walk past. 

Then someone kneels down next to me, and I look up to see a blonde-haired boy gathering the loose papers from floor and tucking them back into my binder. When he notices me watching, he gives me a small smile before continuing to help me collect my books. 

"Thanks," I say.

"No problem," he responds. Then he glances back at me. "You fall down the stairs a lot?"

"More than the average person," I admit. 

He chuckles, but not in the same way as the kids around us; his laugh is kind and soft like his smile. After we've both managed to rebuild my stack of schoolwork, he lifts the pile off of the ground and into his arm before standing up. He reaches his free hand out to me, and I take it, letting him pull me up onto my feet. His eyes are still on me as he holds out my books for me to reacquire. 

His smile stays while I examine the rest of his features: his pale green eyes and strong jawline. He's the kind of guy who would make any girl swoon. He probably didn't expect to have the same effect on me. 

All of a sudden, a different boy with piercing blue eyes taps his shoulder, and the green-eyed boy gives his friend a nod before looking back to me. 

"I'll see you around," he says.

"Yeah," I respond. "See you."

His eyes stay on me a second longer before he turns around and walks off with his friend. I stand, watching him depart, trying to remember where I was going in the first place. A bump in the shoulder by a passing kid reminds me that I need to get to class. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I originally planned for this to be a part of the first chapter, but the first chapter felt so intense that this blurb of a scene just didn't belong. So behold! It gets its own separate part, and I'm so incredibly excited for this story, because I have so many ideas and some scenes already completely outlined, so it's going to be good. I am still working on the Wonah fanfic. I've decided that since I'm finished school next week and will have a lot more free time, I'll be able to work on both fics at once, and I'll probably still be able to update both daily or on alternating days. Yeah. Thanks for reading! I hope you like it!


	2. Willing to Bet?

**Cyrus' POV**

 

Andi and I sit across from each other at our table in the cafeteria, both munching away at the slimy macaroni and cheese that our school serves. Both of us forgot our lunches today, so this is what we're stuck eating. Andi lifts her fork, a string of orange dripping down from the prongs. 

"This is why I don't like Thursdays," she says. "At least I didn't use my own money to pay for this."

"Bex isn't deducting it from your allowance anymore?" I ask. 

"No. She doesn't give me allowance anymore, because she says I need to get a job now that I'm seventeen."

She makes a face of disgust as she brings the fork of food up to her mouth and ingests the orange muck. As she chews, her expression transforms into one of approval. 

"Okay, it's better than I remember," she says. 

"Guys!" comes the voice of an enthusiastic Buffy running up to our table. 

She plops down in the chair next to me with a huge grin. 

"What's up?" Andi asks.

"Guess what's tomorrow. The first ever girls' basketball team tryouts at Grant High School!"

"That's awesome!" I cheer. 

"I know!" she squeaks. "Andi, do you want to try out?"

"Um . . ." Andi smiles awkwardly. "No. I'm not really a basketball kind of girl, but I'm sure it'll be great."

"That's fine," Buffy responds. "I'm so excited to see who'll be on the team."

"Are you running the tryouts?" I ask. 

"Don't you need a teacher to be there?" Andi wonders. 

"I found a teacher," Buffy responds. "But it's the guidance counsellor, and she knows nothing about basketball, so I'm basically running it on my own. That also means I have to coach the girls. I hope it goes well."

"I'm sure it will," Andi says. "You're awesome."

Buffy smiles. 

All of a sudden, the lunch announcements come on over the intercom. The room hushes to quiet murmurs so that we're able to hear the speaker. 

"Please listen up for your lunch announcements. Just two things. All band students who have not yet picked up their uniforms must do that before the end of the day. Also, tryouts for the girls' basketball teams are today after school, in the gym. All girls are welcome to try out. No sign up required."

A muffed crackle signals that the announcements are over, and Buffy glances between us with a grin. 

"Nice," Andi comments. 

Buffy opens her mouth to speak, but she's cut off by a shout. 

"Driscoll!"

The source of the voice walks up with his chin tilted up obnoxiously. I recognize his emerald green eyes immediately and feel myself sit up straighter, paying closer attention to his interaction with my best friend. 

"What do you want?" Buffy growls.

"My team's got a big game on Friday, and I figured we could use another last minute practice. But when I tried to book the gym for tomorrow, I was told that it was already taken"—he leans over, putting his hand on the table—"by you." 

Buffy stands up and folds her arms over her chest. "Did you not hear the announcements? There are girls' basketball tryouts tomorrow."

The boy smirks and tilts his head to the side. "You've got a girls' team now?"

"Yeah," Buffy replies, "and it's going to be better than the boys'."

"Right," the boy scoffs. "Like a bunch of girls in skirts, running around a gym, would be better than a real team."

"First of all, we won't be wearing skirts while playing basketball—"

"Oh, you call losing playing?" he interrupts. 

"We will be better than you," Buffy insists. "I promise that."

"You willing to bet?"

"Any day."

"Okay," he says with a smirk. "You've got two weeks. Then we're going to have a game: the girls versus the boys. If we win, you'll get your entitled, princess ass out of my court, along with your so-called 'team.'"

"This is a new team," Buffy argues. "Give us a month, and if  _we_  win, then you'll retire your captaincy, because you're clearly not fit, and you'll tell your whole team that you're leaving because you're embarrassed about being crushed a girl."

"Like that would ever happen," he scoffs. 

Buffy rolls her eyes. "Deal or no deal?"

She holds out her hand. The blonde flickers his eyes down to it before grabbing it into a firm shake. 

"Deal."

He smirks again and starts to turn to leave, but as he does, his eyes find mine and his jaw drops slightly, causing his mean face to vanish. Almost immediately after, he carries on with spinning around and walking away. I return my attention back to to my friends. 

"Who was that?" I ask.  _And why was he so much ruder to Buffy than he was to me yesterday?_

"That's TJ Kippen," Buffy replies. 

"The captain who wouldn't let you be on the boys' team?"  _No. He can't be. Buffy's always saying how terrible he is. How could he have been so nice to me?_

She nods. 

"You'll definitely beat that jerk," Andi says. "He doesn't know what's coming for him."

Buffy grins. "My team is going to wipe the floor with him."

______________________________________

"Thanks for coming to support me," Buffy says. 

"Of course," I respond. "I want to see my best friend form an incredible basketball team."

"Thanks. The girls won't be showing up for another twenty or so minutes, but I want to be ready, so I'm going to go get changed into my gym clothes."

"I'll meet you in the gym," I say. 

She smiles before walking off toward her locker, and I go to open the door to the gymnasium. When I enter in, I see a familiar face shooting free throws at the net. I walk toward him, noting how his intense focus keeps him from noticing me until I speak. 

"So are you rude to everyone?" I ask. 

TJ glances over at me before taking another shot at the hoop, making it in without hitting the rim.

"Maybe," he replies. 

"You weren't rude to me when you helped me pick up my books the yesterday."

He shrugs then catches the bouncing ball and tucks it underneath his arm. 

"I was off my game."

"Oh, so you're just a bad guy?" 

TJ laughs a little. "Haven't you already been told that?"

"I have," I say while he tosses the basketball into the air again. "But somehow I don't believe that you're all bad."

The ball rebounds off the backboard, and I step up to catch it, simultaneously grabbing TJ's attention.

"How noble of you," he responds, "but you're wrong."

He snatches the ball from my hands and lifts it up. Right as he's about to throw it, I step in front of him, jumping up in the way of the net. 

"You think I don't know what I'm talking about?" I say. "I was raised by four therapists. I know quite a bit about people."

TJ tries to move to get a clear shot at the basket, but I follow his steps to remain as a barrier. After a moment, he lowers the ball. 

"I don't wanna throw it over you, and have you jump up and get hit," he says.

I grin. "You do have a soft side! I knew it!"

TJ chuckles, and I reach to steal the ball from his hands again, but his grip is tight. The game of tug-and-war with the ball goes on for a while as I try to wrestle it out of his grasp. 

Eventually, I manage to peel it away, and cheer in victory, "I got it!"

He shakes his head, saying, "Not for long."

I turn around to block his grab for the ball, but he doesn't let me get in his way. He reaches around me, his arms wrapping me from both sides as he struggles to pull the ball out of my hands, both of us laughing wildly.

The instant his hand touches mine, I stop breathing. I don't know how or why, but this simple moment of contact has somehow made my entire body freeze, aside from my heart, which is racing. He quiets, too, and waits another moment before gently lifting the ball out of my hands, over my head. I spin around to face him.

"You're strong," I say with a small chuckle, still trying to get my pulse to settle down. 

He smiles at me the way he did when I met him yesterday. "You're . . ."

His sentence is interrupted by the slamming of the gym door, and both of our heads snap to see Buffy marching toward us. 

"What are you doing here?" she yells. "I have the gym!"

TJ rolls his eyes, instantly annoyed by her presence, and bounces the ball to her. 

"I'm leaving," he says. "So you can calm down."

He turns back to me once more, meeting my stare. There's a sort of tension between us, one that I can't easily decipher. I just can't seem to let my eyes fall away from him.

Buffy glares as she watches TJ take a deep breath and walk out of the gymnasium. When the door swings shut behind him, she snaps my attention over to her with her loud groan.

"Ugh, he loves to get on my nerves! He just wants my team to fail."

"At least you can avoid him," I say. 

"I wish," she responds. "He's in my math class. All he does is talk to his friends the whole time. It's so annoying."

She continues talking, but my mind wanders off to the memory of him in his gym clothes—a baggy, white T-shirt and shorts—and how I could see the muscles in his arms as he tossed the ball . . . 

"Cyrus!" Buffy says. "Are you even listening to me?"

"What? Yeah. Sorry," I say, returning to reality. 

She brushes off my obvious lack of focus and throws the ball into the net. 

"TJ Kippen is truly the worst," she says. 

"Right," I agree, trying to remind myself of why she hates him, rather than of how hot he is. "The worst."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, gosh. Okay. This is a chapter now. Uh, yeah. Thanks for reading. I'm going to update the Wonah fic next, but it won't be for a few days, because I have finals! Yay for stress! Anyway, I love you all! Bye!!!


	3. I Have Layers

**TJ's POV**

 

My math teacher blabbers at the front of the class as she writes a bunch of letters on the chalkboard. None of it makes sense; it never does. My learning disability makes it difficult to find anything about my math class useful, which is why I have to go to a special tutor who can help me understand this stuff. Because of that, I don't bother paying attention, and instead choose to doodle in my notebook. As I draw, I find myself wanting to write a certain name in the margins, but I quickly realize that I don't know the boy's name. I just know his laugh and the way he looked at me like I'm more than just the big jerk on the basketball team.

Although I have a good reason for not listening to the teacher, Reed and Lester, on the other hand, are just plain obnoxious. They chatter quietly in the desks beside me, trying to hold back their laughs as Reed curls a page into a tube and sticks a clump of paper in his mouth.

"Check this out," he says to Lester.

He holds the tube up to his mouth and blows the spitball at the back of Randall, an awkward boy who has unfortunately become my friends' latest target. His giant mass of curly hair makes it easy for the wad of wet paper to latch on and stay there. He doesn't even notice that it happened until the girl behind him lets out an "ew" and taps his shoulder. He brushes the spitball onto the floor as he flashes Reed a hurt look. Reed just laughs.

"Can you guys chill with that?" I say.

"Step off, man," Reed defends. "I'm just messing around."

I shake my head and look back down at my notebook, but Reed continues to talk to me.

"Yo, whatever happened with that Jill chick?"

"Yeah, wasn't she flirting with you?" Lester joins in.

"She's not really my type," I respond.

Reed lets out a laugh. "What? Are you gay, man? Every guy wants to bang her."

"I'm just not into her," I insist. "If you like her, why don't you go for her?"

"I wish," Reed says. "But I already hooked up with one of her friends, and now they all have some kind of alliance against me."

"Dude," Lester responds, "that's brutal."

While they talk through the rest of the class, my mind wanders back to the boy I don't know the name of. I think there was something there; I could feel it. And the only thing I can think about right now is how I need to find out his name. So at the end of class, when everyone else gets up out of their desks to leave, I walk over to Buffy.

"Hey, I've got a question for you," I say.

"What? You want to know if I'll go easy on you when our little match comes up?" she scoffs.  _"So_  not happening."

"No. I wanted to know what your friend's name is—the small one with the dark hair."

"Why? So you can bother him too?" she retorts. "Forget it."

She grabs her books from her desk and whips around, marching out of the class. I don't know why I thought she'd tell me, anyway. I'll just have to wait until I see the boy again to find out his name.

____________________________________

 **Cyrus' POV**  
  


At the end of the school day, I close my locker to see my curly-haired friend approaching me. 

"Cyrus!"

"Buffy!"

"Watch out for TJ," she says, which causes my stomach to flip. 

_Does she know? Is there even anything for her to know about? I don't know. Why am I so worried? All I've done is talk to the boy—to the really attractive, mysteriously sweet boy._

"What are you talking about?" I ask. 

"He was asking about you in math today," she explains. 

"What? Why?"  _He wanted to know about me?_

"Who knows? But he's bad news, so just be careful."

I smile and say, "Thanks for the warning," even though I know very well that I'm not going to listen to her advice. There's something more to him than what he lets show to Buffy, and I want to know what that is. I don't think he's just a bad guy. 

"Okay, well, I've got to get to basketball practice," Buffy says. "The team is a bit of a train wreck, so we have a lot of work to do."

"I'm sure it'll all turn out."

"That's what I'm hoping for."

She smiles before taking off down the hall. I strap my book bag over my shoulder and go the other way, toward the stairs. 

Caught again in the middle of the sea of high schoolers, I manage to clip my foot on a stair and lose my balance. But right when I think I'm about to go tumbling, a hand grabs mine and pulls my back up. For some reason, I'm not surprised when I see the very person I was told to watch out for smiling down at me. 

He lets go of my hand, saying, "You need to start holding onto the railing. I'd rather not see you fall again."

His soft stare spirals the butterflies in my chest. Maybe I should completely boycott railings if he's going to catch me like this every time I trip. 

"Yeah, probably," I say instead. 

"I don't think I ever introduced myself the last time we talked. I'm TJ."

"I know. Cyrus."

As he smiles, his eyes wander down me then back up. "So Cyrus, where are you going off to?"

"Home to do some homework. I have this project due on Macbeth."

"Ah, Macbeth. You know what my favorite quote is from that?"

"What?"

"'What, you egg!'"

I laugh. "Is that an actual line?"

He nods. "I have the same assignment. I'm actually going over to The Spoon now. Wanna come with? We could work on it together, or not. Whatever you want."

"Sure." That's not what Buffy would want me to say, but she doesn't know this side of TJ. Maybe if she knew how soft he really was, she'd like him too, or maybe he's just using me to hurt Buffy. Strangely, I don't think the latter is the case. 

"Cool," TJ says. "I've got to go to my locker still, but I'll meet you by the bike racks outside and we can walk there."

"Sounds like plan." 

He smiles as he runs his hand through his hair. Then he turns around, and I do the same, taking another try at the stairs. 

____________________________________

**TJ's POV**

 

"So . . ." I say as I sit down across from Cyrus in a booth at The Spoon. 

"So you're into Shakespeare," Cyrus says. "I didn't expect the basketball captain to like that kind of stuff."

"What can I say? I have layers."

"I can tell," he responds with a smile. 

Then he opens his menu and begins scanning his choices. 

"I'm better at math and science," Cyrus says.

"Yeah, I'm . . . not exactly good at that."

"That's okay. My friend, Jonah isn't good at math either. But Buffy is amazing. I guess you'd know that though."

"Yeah."

Buffy tried tutoring me for a while in grade nine when my grades were slipping. That was before I knew about my dyscalculia, so she just thought I was stupid. But, in all honesty, I'd rather her think I was stupid than know about my disability. I don't want people to know, because then I won't be TJ, captain of the basketball team; I'll just be TJ with the learning disability. But there are worse things people could call me if they knew everything—like TJ, the gay kid who's attracted to the cute boy who falls down the stairs. 

"What are you getting?" I ask to change the subject. 

"Baby taters, and I can't decide between a chocolate or strawberry milkshake."

"How about this?" I suggest. "You get chocolate, I'll get strawberry, and we can get two extra cups to split the flavours."

He smiles. "Works for me." 

Then he closes his menu and puts his elbows on the table. 

"So Macbeth," he says. "You like it?"

"I know," I say with a chuckle. "It's weird, right?"

"I'm shocked that you can even understand it," he says, laughing along. "I hate to tell you this, but I'm pretty sure you're a robot."

I shrug and give him a crooked grin. "Possibly."

He laughs.

Suddenly, the door chimes open, and Cyrus' eyes flick past me, a worried expression taking over his face. I turn around to see whats caught his attention and spot Buffy and her two friends. Buffy scowls as she marches up to the table, and I stand up to deal with her. 

"I thought I told you to stay away from my friends," she says. 

I glance down at Cyrus, who meets my eyes with fear. Clearly, he doesn't want Buffy to know he was hanging out with me, so i'm not going to be the one to tell her. 

"Relax," I say. "I was just asking for some math help."

She raises an eyebrow. "Yeah? Then where are your math books?"

Cyrus answers for me, shooting up out of his chair. "I was using a napkin to write on," he says. 

Then he shoves the napkin into my open hand and closes my fingers around it. 

"I finished solving the problem on here," he explains. "You can take a look at it to see how I did it." 

He smiles at me before turning to Buffy to ask, "Can I join you guys?"

Buffy nods, and they go back over to the other two kids to sit down at a table. Now alone, I decide to go over to sit at the counter instead. As I prop my head up on my elbow, my sister comes over, noticing my mood. 

"Wanna tell me what that was about?" Amber asks. 

"Nope," I reply. "Not here, at least."

She makes an 'O' shape with her mouth as she understands the situation. 

"At home, then," she says. "Do you still want your usual? Vanilla shake and baby taters?"

I nod in confirmation before she steps away to prepare my order. As she does, I notice a bit of blue ink on the crumpled-up napkin that Cyrus gave me and unfold it. Seven digits stare back at me from the crinkled, white rectangle. _He gave me his phone number._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did so much research on 90s' slang for this, because I wanted Reed and Lester to sound as annoying as possible. Also, I kind of love this. I was just about to type something else about the story that you guys would probably be like, but then I realized that it may be a bit of a spoiler, so I decided against it, but I'm still gonna leave this thought process in here, because I'm a horrible person. Thanks for reading! I love you all!


	4. Are You Gonna Hang Up?

**TJ's POV**

 

When Amber gets home, she doesn't even bother to change out of her uniform before bursting into my bedroom. She closes the door behind her then joins me on my bed, sitting cross-legged, and I push aside the schoolbooks that I was using to do my homework. The only time we're able to talk about this kind of thing is when our parents aren't home, since neither of us have told them about it yet, so she doesn't waste time with small talk. 

"What's up with you and Cyrus?" she asks. "Do you think he's . . .?"

"I don't know," I cut in. "Maybe."

"I think he is," she says. 

"How?"

"Gaydar," she says as though it's the most obvious thing in the world. "That's a thing, you know."

"Wednesday was the first time I spoke to him, but he just seems different than other people. He actually wants to know me."

Amber's eyes drop to her lap as she frowns. Then she looks back up at me. 

"Be careful," she says. "Although I do think you have a chance with him, on the off chance that I'm wrong . . ."

"I'll have fucked up my life," I finish for her. "Trust me, I know. I think about it way too much."

I lean back on my pillow, my hands behind my head, and stare up at the ceiling. 

"I don't want you to get hurt," Amber continues. "It's dangerous for people like us."

"I know." It's hard not to know when it seems to be the most controversial issue in society these days. "I won't do anything to out myself unless he does something first."

"Good," she says. "I don't want you to get hurt."

As much as I wish she didn't also have to go through what I am, I'm kind of glad we're in the same boat. It's nice to have someone to talk to about these things. I could never tell my friends, and I don't know how my parents would react. Amber has said how she's glad to be able to talk to me, too, but there are still some things that she keeps tucked away for her knowledge only. 

"Amber," I mutter, "What ever happened to Holly?"

Holly was Amber's girlfriend last year. Amber said she was in love, and Holly came over whenever our parents were at work. Then one day, she just stopped coming over, and Amber never spoke about her again. I never brought it up, because I figured it wasn't going to be a happy story, but now I'm curious. 

She takes a breath before laying down beside me, her eyes turning up to the ceiling like mine. An outsider might think there was actually something of interest up there.

"She . . . uh . . ." Amber pauses again. "She told her parents about us, and they . . ." Her voice starts cracking as she struggles to fight back tears. "They sent her to . . . um . . ."

"You don't have to tell me," I say. "I get it."

Amber's silent crying morphs into breathy sobbing in an instant. I sit up, and pull her up with me into a hug. My shoulder becomes damp as her tears drip down from her face. 

"I told her not to say anything," she croaks between whimpers. "Why couldn't she listen to me?"

I rub circles into her back while she cries. Eventually, the weeping dissolves into heavy breathing, which fades away after another few minutes. She lets me go and reaches up to wipe her streaked mascara with her sleeve. 

"Please," she starts, "if you and Cyrus do get together, don't let anything happen to either of you. You're my brother, and I love you, and he's my friend, so I don't want him to get hurt either."

"I'll try," I say.

She smiles slightly and squeezes my hand in hers before getting up off the bed. 

She sniffles again before saying, "Here's some advice: next time you hang out with him, make sure his friends don't show up."

"Thanks."

After she exits my room, I look over at my dresser where I put the napkin that Cyrus had given me today. Following a solid half-second of contemplation, I get up and go into the hall to grab the house phone. I bring it back to my room where I take the napkin from my dresser and begin dialling the numbers. The other end rings twice before a woman's voice answers. 

"Hello?"

"Hi," I respond. "It Cyrus there?"

"He is. I'll go get him."

"Thanks."

Silence drifts from the other end of the line for a moment until it's suddenly broken by a gentle voice.

"Hello?" Cyrus says. 

"Hey, it's TJ."

"Oh, hey," he says, sounding more chipper. "I thought you might've thrown out the napkin."

"I didn't. I was just . . . not sure if I should wait or not."

"That's okay. I'm sorry I left. I just didn't want Buffy to be mad."

"It's fine. I understand. She's not my biggest fan."

"Yeah," he says with a sigh. 

"Uh, anyway," I say, "I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tomorrow. You could come over to my place."

My parents are going to some wedding together, so I won't have to worry about them in case something actually happens. But even if I'm wrong about Cyrus, I can still play it off as just wanting to be his friend. 

"I'd love to," he replies. 

"Sweet!" I pause to try to calm my enthusiasm down to a more normal level. "Cool. Uh, I'll see you tomorrow, then."

"TJ?"

"Yeah?"

"You didn't tell me your address."

"Oh, right." I laugh it off, then say the location. 

"Got it," he says. "I'll see you tomorrow. Is 5:00 okay?"

"Yeah, that's perfect."

"Okay."

"Okay."

"Bye, TJ."

"Bye."

I wait for him to hang up, then I drop the phone on my bed as I fall back onto the mattress, a fuzzy feeling ruffling my insides. 

____________________________________

**Cyrus' POV**

 

TJ's house is white; that's the best way to describe it. The walls are white, the furniture is white—even the books on the shelf are white. 

"Yeah," TJ responds after I point that out. "My mom says the white makes it look more spacious. I think it just looks dull, but it's not my house."

"Hey, Cyrus!" comes a cheery voice.

I turn to see Amber coming down the stairs with a grin. 

"Amber? What are you doing here?" I ask. 

"TJ's my brother," she replies. "He didn't tell you that?"

"No."

Amber and I both give TJ a look to which he just shrugs. 

"I didn't think of it," he says. 

Amber shakes her head. "Well, I'll be upstairs."

"Sounds good," TJ says. 

Amber leaves to return to the second story, and TJ turns to me. 

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know. What is there to do?"

"We could watch a movie?" he suggests.

"Sure."

"Cool. The movies are in this cupboard."

He shows me over to the door beneath the television and opens it. I immediately start running my finger along the VHS tapes, stopping about halfway down the line.

"You have Macbeth?" I say. 

"Yeah. Why?"

"I haven't seen it yet, but it would probably be helpful to clarify my understanding of the play."

He chuckles a little. "Are you just using me to get a good grade on your English assignment?"

I grin. "A good grade is more of an added bonus."

He laughs and pulls the movie out of the cupboard before pushing it into the VCR. Afterward, he comes over to join me on the couch, sitting on the opposite end from me. I don't know why I'm disappointed; I knew he wouldn't sit closer. Boys don't sit close to each other—as much as I wish they did. 

"So do you have this whole play memorized?" I ask. 

He chuckles. "Nah. I like the comedies more than the tragedies."

"I didn't realize Shakespeare wrote comedies."

"That's because he uses such fancy language that no one can understand the jokes."

We laugh together, and he suddenly realizes something. 

"Do you want chips?"

"Uh, sure," I respond. 

He nods and gets up to go to the kitchen. A minute later, he returns with a two bags of potato chips: one barbecue, and the other salt and vinegar. 

"I wasn't sure which one you liked, so I brought both," he says. 

"I like salt and vinegar."

"Awesome. Me too."

When he sits back down on the couch, he does something I don't expect: he sits next to me, not on the other end. The bag crinkles as he holds it out between us. I smile as I reach my hand in to pull out a chip, trying my hardest not to shake as I do.

_______________________________________

**TJ's POV**

 

I wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of a phone ringing. Groggy, I sit up, wondering who the hell would be calling at 1:00 AM. 

My parents are clearly thinking the same thing, because I can hear my mom shouting from her bedroom. 

"Who calls in the middle of the night?"

"Just leave it," my dad responds. "It's probably nobody."

Their voices vanish at the dismissal of the phone, but can't seem to let it go so easily. I stand up and walk out into the hall to see the flashing number. After a second, I realize why I recognize it and pick up the phone.

"Cyrus?" I say as I walk back into my room and close the door. 

"Hey," Cyrus' voice speaks. 

"Everything good?" I ask. 

"Yeah, I just . . . couldn't sleep."

_So he called me?_

"Why couldn't you sleep?" I ask.

"I was—uh—thinking."

"Thinking? About what?"  _God, please say it was me._

"Things," he answers instead. Even if he was thinking of me, he wouldn't tell me that. I know I would never tell him that I've been thinking of him. 

Then he changes the subject, asking, "What were you doing?"

"I was sleeping," I say with a laugh. 

His giggle rings through the speaker. "Before that."

"Before? Well, Amber and I were watching TV."

"What show?"

"Party of Five," I reply. "It's her favorite."

"It's a good show," Cyrus says. 

"You think so?"

"Yeah. Why? Do you not like it?"

"No, I do. I just don't know a lot of guys who watch it other than me. Most guys think it's lame."

"Well, I'm not like most guys," he responds with a laugh. 

"Yeah. Me neither."

There's a second of comfortable silence between us before I am suddenly overtaken by a yawn. 

"Sorry," Cyrus says. "You're probably tired."

"No," I say a little too quickly. I want to keep hearing his voice.  _God, when did I become this smitten?_

"I'll let you go back to bed," Cyrus says. "It's late."

"Okay," I respond, feeling disappointed. 

"Goodnight, TJ," he says. 

"Goodnight, Cyrus."

I leave the phone on talk, waiting for him to hang up, but a moment later, I can still hear his faint breathing. 

"Are you gonna hang up?" he asks. 

I smile as I respond, "No."  _I don't want to._

"Okay," he says. "I'll hang up."

There's another pause. Peaceful air streams through the speaker, but our line stays connected.

"Are  _you_ gonna hang up?" I ask. 

His gentle response makes butterflies rise inside my rib cage. "I don't want to."

"Me neither."

"Then how are we going to get any sleep?"

"How about this? We both stay on the line, and whoever falls asleep last can hang up."

"That should work."

"Okay," I breath. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

I lie back down in my bed and pull the covers over myself. I rest the phone next to me on my pillow after putting it on speaker so that I'll be able to hear when he falls asleep. When the muffled sounds of movement finally disappear, I press the off button, then roll over, knowing I'll probably dream about him tonight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I was in tears while reading about everything that happened in the 90s. Ellen Degeneres is my queen, and I cried when I remembered Matthew Shepard. Conversion therapy left me absolutely weeping. Third, I couldn't stop smiling during that first Tyrus phone call. Second, yes, I deleted what I had originally put as second, so I'm doing it now, because I'm unorganized. Thank you all for reading! I love you all!


	5. He'd Have to Try

**TJ's POV**

 

As I close my locker, I see Reed walking up to me in the hall. 

"Yo, TJ," he calls. 

"What's up?" I ask while I start heading toward my first class. 

"Where were you this weekend, man? You missed Brian's party."

I forgot about that. I told Reed and Lester that I would go to it, but after going to The Spoon with Cyrus on Friday, the commitment completely slipped my mind. I guess it must've been in the spot in my brain that is now occupied by Cyrus' phone number, which, in all honesty, is a much better use of space. But I can't tell Reed about Cyrus. 

"Sorry," I say. "I guess I just forgot."

"How do you forget about that?" he asks with a chuckle. "Dude, Brian's parties are legendary."

They are memorable; I'll give him that. Last time, someone set off fireworks. Our friend, Cory, still has a scar on his chest from being hit by one of them. Thankfully, his jacket, which now has a hole melted through it, protected him from being burnt.

"I've just had a lot on my mind," I say. 

"Whatever, dude, but you gotta come to Linda's party next Friday."

"Yeah, sure, whatever."

"Niceberg!"

He gives my shoulder a friendly punch before jetting off in the opposite direction of where I know his first class is. He must be skipping class again today. 

_____________________________________

**Cyrus' POV**

 

"Where's Buffy?" Jonah asks. 

Andi, Jonah, and I wait by Buffy's locker for her to get out of class so that we can go to lunch, but the halls are already beginning to clear, and there's still no sign of her. 

All of a sudden, the river of kids divides, revealing and infuriated Buffy stomping toward us, steam practically blowing from her ears. In her hands she holds a sopping wet orange shirt. When she gets up to us, the sour smell of the fabric becomes apparent.

"Look at this!" Buffy barks. 

"What happened?" Andi asks, wrinkling her nose at the putrid smell. 

"Is that milk?" Jonah adds. 

"Yes," Buffy answers. "Someone soaked all of the girls' basketball uniforms in sour milk."

"Since when do you guys have uniforms?" I ask. 

"They came this morning," she explains. "I went to pick them up from the office, but it turns out someone got there before me!"

"Who do you think it was?" Jonah wonders. 

I don't need to hear her answer. I know what she's going to say, and I hate to think that he might've actually done this. I know he and Buffy don't have the best relationship, but I guess I just thought he was above this kind of immaturity.  

"TJ," she growls. "Believe me, when I get my hands on him—"

"Let me," I interrupt. "I'll talk to him."

She looks at me in surprise. 

"You? Cyrus, he could snap you with his pinky finger."

"I know," I say.  _I need to know if he did this._ "But he doesn't have anything against me, and you seem like you're about ready to punch him, so I'd rather not see my best friend get suspended."

"It's fine," she insists. "I can handle it."

"No. Let me take care of it."  _Please, Buffy, let me talk to him._

"Are you sure?"

I nod. 

She sighs. "Okay, fine."

I smile and spin around to begin my search for the blonde boy. 

"You're going to talk to him now?" Buffy calls as I stride down the hall.

"No time like the present!" I shout back. 

_____________________________________

**TJ's POV**

 

"So what do you have against cafeterias?" 

I turn to the source of the voice and smile when I see Cyrus walking toward me in the empty gym. Sometimes I come here when I need to clear my head, but ironically enough, the boy I was trying to get mind mind off of has just shown up. 

I catch the basketball that I had just thrown and hold it still under my arm as he approaches, a distressed look on his face. 

"You okay?" I ask. 

 _"I_  am," he replies. "But Buffy's not."

I look at him, confused. "What are you talking about?"

"Somebody stole the uniforms for the girls' basketball team and soaked them in milk," he explains. "Please tell me you didn't have something to do with that."

The hurt in his eyes make me want to walk up and give him a hug, but I restrain myself. 

"I don't play dirty like that," I respond. "If that happened, then my team did it without me."

I'm actually surprised by that. I mean, I wouldn't have done it, because wrecking the girls' uniforms doesn't do anything to help our team, but usually the guys tell me when they're planning shit like this.

"You're not lying?" Cyrus checks. 

"Not lying," I assure him. 

He lets out a breath of relief, but he still doesn't look happy. 

"You need to do something about your team," he says.

"They're just having fun. I'm not going to be a buzzkill by telling them to lay off," I argue. 

"Well, I'm not okay with them bullying my friend," he states. 

"Look, I can't do anything about it," I say. "Even if I tell them to stop, they're not going to listen to me."

He raises his eyebrows in disbelief. "You're the team captain!" 

"That doesn't mean they don't prank me too!" I retort. "It's just something they do!"

Cyrus seems taken aback by that, furrowing his brows as he prepares to interrogate me further. 

"What pranks do they pull on you?" he asks, his voice quieter than before, but still full of just as much intensity. 

I shrug. "I don't know. Last week they dyed my lucky socks pink."

"What did you do?"

"Well, I actually kind of liked the pink, but the guys said it was gay, so I just had to buy new lucky socks."

Cyrus pauses for a moment before continuing, saying, "So you think gay is an insult?"

I shrug. "That's how it's used."

"But what do  _you_  think?" He takes a step forward so that about a metre of space is left between us. "Do you think there's something wrong with being gay?"

His eyes go soft with his question, losing all signs of the anger that was previously on his face. I drop the basketball out from under my arm and run my hands through my hair, not sure how to respond.

"Uh . . ."

"Because I think people can love whoever they want," Cyrus states. 

My nerves change into a sense of relief as I say, "Me too."

Cyrus ponders over that for a second, until he finally says, "Good."

"Good."

There's another moment of silence between us as we both hold each other's stare. 

"What if," I start, taking my own step closer, "a guy came up to you and said he was interested in you. Would you be grossed out?"

"No." Cyrus moves to close the gap a little more. "What about if a guy said they were interested in  _you_?"

"I'd be cool with it," I answer. Then I step forward, leaving about two feet between us. "What if a guy kissed you? How would you react?"

My heart throbs in my chest as Cyrus steps right up to me, invading the last of the air keeping us apart. 

"I'm not sure," he says, his eyes locked with mine. "He'd have to try."

His eyes pierce into mine like a challenge.  _Well, challenge accepted._

I put one arm around his waist, pulling him up against me, and the other on the base of the back of his head as I kiss him for the first time. 

The thing no one tells you about your first kiss is that it doesn't feel like a first kiss. It feels like a first breath, like the world inside me is waking up at the connection of his heartbeat with mine. Adrenaline floods my veins as he sinks into me, letting me kiss him harder. It's like, even though my eyes are closed, I'm seeing a light brighter than the sun, like the universe has come alive and decided to let me know the secrets it's been hiding from me. And now that I've had a taste, I want to know everything.

His mouth breaks away from mine, the tension building like an elastic band. _I need him back._  His breath is heavy as he takes my hand as leads me over to the equipment room at the back of the gym. He's smarter than I am. He knows that if someone sees us, we're screwed. 

After pulling the doors closed behind us, he throws his arms back over my neck, and I kiss him again, this time protected by the security of two metal doors and the basket of plastic hockey sticks at my side. Our mouths interconnect, stimulating a chill down my spine, and I pull him in tighter. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you thought there'd be an almost kiss in there. Well, there wasn't. See, I'm not predictable. I love you all, and I'll see you in the next chapter!


	6. I Know a Place

**Cyrus' POV**   
  
  


I place my hand on his chest when we break apart, feeling it rise and fall as we both attempt to catch our breath. 

"TJ?" I say between puffs.

"Yeah?" comes his raspy answer.

"We should go to lunch. People will be wondering where we are."

His thumb grazes my jaw as his eyes drift across my face, inspecting every inch. 

"Yeah, I guess," he finally replies. 

I smile and step backward, out of his hold. 

"I'll go in first," I say. "That way we don't draw any suspicion."

He nods. "Good idea."

We both exit the equipment room and walk toward the gym doors together, our arms brushing each other as they swing loosely between us. I want so badly to take his hand, but I know that if I do, I won't be able to get myself to let it go, and that will be a problem. 

We give each other one last glance before heading in opposite directions. After I get my lunch bag from my locker, I enter the cafeteria, still trying to get my heart rate back down to a normal level. When I find my friends, I put a smile on my face and go over to them, trying not to act suspicious.

"Cyrus?" Buffy says when she notices me.

"Hey, guys," I say, sitting down at the table.

"It's been, like, twenty minutes," Jonah comments. "Where have you been?"

"I was, uh, talking to TJ." _Technically we did talk—though only for about five minutes before we started making out._

"It took that long?" Buffy responds in surprise. 

"And why is your hair all messy?" Andi asks, reaching to pat down the strands sticking up on my head. "Did you two get into a wrestling match?"

 _Something like that._ I laugh off her question, and Andi just shakes her head.

"So what did TJ say?" Buffy asks.

"He said he didn't do it," I reply.

"Of course he said that," Buffy scoffs. "I wouldn't expect him to own up to it."

My eyes are drawn away when I catch the subject of our discussion enter the cafeteria. His gaze meets mine for a second before he looks away and walks over to his friends. I know we agreed to come in separately to avoid any questions, but seeing him again makes me wish I could be back in his arms.

"What are you looking at?" Andi asks, turning around in her seat to scan the room.

"Nothing," I say, catching her attention again. Then I look to Buffy, eager to get the conversation back onto someone other than me. "So you hate TJ, huh?"   
  
  


**TJ's POV**

Rather than go over to join Reed and Lester, I find my team. They all chat amongst themselves, so invested in whatever their talking about that I have to put my hand on Tony's shoulder to make him turn around and notice me.

"TJ! What's goin' on, bro?"

He holds out his fist, and I bump it automatically, though what I'm about to say probably doesn't call for one.

"I gotta ask you guys about somethin'," I say, my tone turning serious. For some reason, I can't kick away the slang when I talk to them. There's just a certain expectation of me that I can't get myself to break.

Tony looks caught off guard, and he shoves the guy beside him, Wesley, making him turn his focus to me. Because the leader of the conversation has been taken out, the rest of the team's eyes swerve to me, too.

"Did you guys mess with the girls' uniforms?"

A couple chuckles break out, but I'm not laughing.

"It was just a little prank," Tony says.

"Not cool, man," I say, shaking my head.

"Dude, chill out," another guy, Julian, tells me. "Besides, since when do you care so much about them?"

 _Since I started caring about Cyrus._  But that's not an answer I can give them, nor is it one that will persuade them over to my point of view.

"I'm just saying we should let up a bit," I argue. "They're gonna lose anyway. We don't have to make it worse for them."

"Yeah, sure," Julien responds with a laugh, clearly not taking me seriously.

"I mean it," I say. "Leave them alone."

"Okay," he says, widening his eyes to show his annoyance.

"Good," I respond.

The guys shoot each other looks as I turn around to go find my other friends. Reed and Lester's eyes scan me as I sit down. 

"Where were you?" Lester asks.

"Hold on." Reed raises his hand into a stop sign before beginning to point out my features. "Twenty minutes late, messy hair, that dopey grin . . ." I didn't realize I had reverted back to smiling. "I think Kippen was with a girl."

That would almost make me laugh if I weren't so terrified of what could happen if they knew who I was really with. 

"Who was it?" Reed asks, leaning over the table. "Was it Jill? Claudia? Tiffany? Stacy? They all have things for you, you know."

"They do?" I say, feeling the nerves grab at my insides. 

"Yeah, dude," Reed responds. 

"Nah," Lester says. "I saw Stacy in the lunch line, so it wasn't her."

Reed looks back to me and gives my arm a shove with his hand. "Come on, man. Who was it?"

"Uh . . ."  _Who would possibly play along with this? I'm not sure I'm willing to take a chance with any name I could blurt out._ "That's between me and her."

Reed and Lester let out groans of annoyance, but I just brush them off with a grin. I don't have to fake the smile, only the reason behind it. 

____________________________________

"You seem extra happy today," Amber says as she stops in the doorframe of my room. 

I was trying to do my homework, but I haven't been able to focus anyway. My mind keeps wandering back to Cyrus. 

"I am," I admit. 

"Oh? Is there a reason?"

She walks in and sits down next to me on the bed. I grin at just the thought of what I'm about to tell her. 

"I kissed Cyrus."

Her jaw drops. "You what? How? When? Tell me everything!"

"He found me at lunch," I start.

She interrupts, saying, "You kissed him at school?"

"We were alone," I assure her. "Nobody saw us."

She lets out a breath. "Okay, good. Anyway, continue."

"Basically, the topic got to our opinions on gay people, and then we just ended up kissing in the equipment room."

"That's awesome! I'm so happy for you."

"Me too," I respond, still grinning like an idiot. "Anyway, how was  _your_  day?"

She laughs as she replies, "Pretty good. Since we're on the topic, there's this girl I'm kinda into."

"Really? Is she gay?"

"I'm still trying to figure that out," she explains. 

"How are you going to do that?"

She hesitates before answering, "I'll tell you that if it works out."

"Wow," I say, stretching out the word for emphasis. "Okay, I see how it is. I tell you about my love life, and you keep yours a secret."

She rolls her eyes. "I'll tell you eventually. I just don't wanna get my hopes up."

I sigh. "Okay, that makes sense."

"Thanks," she says with a smile. Then she stands back up to leave. "Now get your homework done."

"Yeah, yeah."

I turn my eyes back to my school books when she leaves, but I know I won't be able to stop thinking about Cyrus for long enough to even write a full out sentence on a page.

______________________________________

**Cyrus' POV**

 

I've been dying to talk to TJ again ever since I got home, but I can't say what I want to say as long as my parents are around to hear me. To avoid any chance of them overhearing, I wait until they're asleep before I go down stairs to the living room to pick up the phone. I curl up on the couch as I listen to the ringing, praying that TJ will pick up. 

"Hey," comes the whisper through the phone. 

"Hey," I say, suddenly rendered speechless at the sound of him on the other end of the line. 

"What's up?" TJ asks after a moment. 

I laugh a little at that. "Really? What's up? You act like you didn't just kiss me today."

"I did?"

My heart stops for a second before I hear his chuckling come through the speaker. 

"Don't do that to me," I whine. 

"Sorry. It's just so easy," he says as he calms his laughter. "You're a good kisser, by the way."

"Thanks," I say, unable to contain my grin. "You are too."

"Beginner's luck, I guess," he responds. 

"That was your first kiss?"

"Yeah."

"It was my first with a boy," I say. "I kissed a girl once, but it was nothing like today."

He laughs. "Good to hear I beat out my competition."

"Trust me. There's no competition," I respond. "Anyway, I wanted to ask you something."

"Ask away."

"Will you . . ." My pulse picks up speed as I speak. "Will you be my boyfriend?"

The question leaves me so anxious that the single second of dead air is enough to spike my fear. 

"Only if you'll be mine," he answers, letting me relax again. 

"That's kind of how it works," I say with a laugh. 

"Yeah." There's a pause before he starts speaking again. "Hey, since you're up, any chance you wanna go out?"

"TJ, it's eleven at night. And there's school tomorrow."

"Yeah, but I can't hold my boyfriend's hand at school, now can I?"

I bite my lip, feeling butterflies rise as a result of him calling me his boyfriend. 

"Where would we go?" I ask. "Everything's closed, and even if things were open, we still couldn't hold hands in public."

The truth of the matter hurts like a knife wound. I can't act like his boyfriend unless we're alone, and who knows how often that will be?

"I know a place," he says. "Get dressed. I'll be there in ten minutes."

"Uh—okay."

A tone beeps, signalling that he's hung up, and I put the phone down on the charger before heading back upstairs. While I pass by my parents' room, I think for a moment about whether or not I should be sneaking out in the middle of the night like this. After a whole second of deep contemplation, I decide it's worth the risk of getting in trouble. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Perfect. Now I shall work on Uncovered. I have some really cute moments planned for this story, and I'm super excited to continue it. Thanks for reading! I hope you are all liking it so far! I love you all! I also overuse exclamation points! Bye!


	7. Everything About You

**Cyrus' POV**

 

"Why am I not surprised that you drive a Chevy?"

I scan his baby blue truck, rusted patches and all, before climbing into the passenger side. TJ smiles at me from the driver's seat while he puts his keys in the ignition. 

"Is that a good thing?" he asks. 

"A very good thing," I reply. "Are you a country boy in disguise?"

"My family is from Tennessee," he explains.

"Then how come you don't have a cute Southern drawl?"

"Why? Am I not cute enough without one?"

"You're putting words in my mouth," I say as I buckle my seatbelt. 

He laughs and twists the key, making the engine scream to life. The truck pulls out into the street, and I watch him while he drives through the nighttime neighbourhood. Pretty soon, his eyes start flickering between me and the road. 

"Man, I was told that drinking and driving is bad," he says, "but nobody said having a cute boy in the passenger seat would make it just as hard to focus."

"I'm sorry. Should I leave?" I tease.

"Don't you dare."

I grin and sink back into the seat, which already feels like home. 

"So what's this place you know of?" I ask. 

"It's this kind of restaurant on the outskirts of Shadyside," he explains. "It's like a pub, but not really, because there's no alcohol, but it has the same kind of vibe. Amber started taking me there last year."

"And what is so special about this not-pub?"

"It's for people like us," he says. "It's an underground thing for LGBT people to come and be accepted."

"It's just LGBT people?"

"And allies. You only know about it if someone tells you about it."

"Like a secret society?"

"It's secret, yes, but anybody can come, and there's no obligation or anything like that. It's just a place to hang out and meet people like you. We also share spoken word."

"Like poetry?"

"Yup."

"Interesting," I say, smiling. "TJ, the poet. Will you be sharing any of your poetry tonight?"

"I don't have anything planned," he replies. 

"Fine, but you have to show me eventually."

"I will," he confirms. "I just don't have any new poems right now, but I will at some point."

"Okay."

I think about what he has said for a moment before something hits me. 

"You go there with Amber?"

"Yeah," he responds, taking a moment to consider how much he should say. "She's gay."

"Oh. I didn't know that."

"Not many people do."

"You're lucky," I add. "You have someone to talk to about all this."

"You don't?" he asks. 

"I mean, I do," I say. "My close friends know, but there aren't many places where we can talk about it. Amber lives with you, so that would make it easier."

"Yeah, I guess I am lucky." 

His eyes flash back to me before returning to the road. After another fifteen minutes, TJ parallel parks the car in front of a small, no name book store. Before we get out, he reaches over and pushes up the sleeve of my sweater. Then he uses a pen to draw six tiny lines on my wrist.

"What's this for?" I ask. 

"It's so they know that you're not there to shoot up the place or something," TJ explains, "for when you're not with me."

"Why the lines?"

"Six for the pride flag."

I look down at the ink, then over to my boyfriend. 

"You don't need it?"

"They know who I am," he explains. "I go almost every week."

He gets out of the truck and comes over to my side. Instinctively, I start to reach for his hand, but I stop myself, remembering that the cars passing by can still see us in their headlights. I follow him around a corner and through a door, which leads down into a basement below the rest of the commercial buildings. Once we're inside, TJ immediately clasps my hand with his and I smile, already liking whatever this place is. 

What I see when we reach the bottom is astounding. Same-sex couples as young as middle schoolers cuddle in booths together. Most of the people are teenagers or young adults. The oldest people here are the restaurant workers, who must only be in their thirties. Both the women have tattoos covering their arms and wear aprons around their waists as they stand behind the counter by the till. 

"It's a youth thing," TJ says. "April, over there"—he points to a purple-haired girl sitting cross-legged on a table between three other girls—"is the niece of Kim and Kari, the owners of the restaurant. She talked to them about starting this after hours thing up after her school denied her request to start a GSA club, because she saw that LGBT kids needed somewhere to go when they weren't being accepted at home or at school. She was also really into spoken word, so this is basically just a gay poetry open mic that happens once a week."

"Is that how you got into poetry?" I ask as TJ pulls me over to a table in the centre of the room, close to where a microphone stand is set up. 

The table has four cushioned sofa seats around it on all four sides. TJ sits down at the table, and I lower into the chair next to him, our hands still chained between us. 

"Yeah," he replies, "but I do really like it. In poetry, people put out every feeling they have—no filter—and nobody judges them for feeling what they feel or being different."

"Do you feel different?"

"Sometimes," he confesses. "Being gay already makes me an outcast, but I also have this math dyslexia. My brain doesn't handle numbers the way it should."

"Hey," I say. "Everything about you is exactly the way it should be."

He smiles, then he tugs on my hand.

"No reason for you to be so far away," he says. 

I follow his lead and get up to join him on his sofa. He pulls me down onto his lap before closing his arm around me, and I rest my head on his shoulder, my feet dangling over the armrest. While I get comfortable in his hold, his eyes find mine. They draw me in as he tilts his head down to kiss my lips. I think I understand the point behind PDA now. Something about being able to kiss him with other people around to see us feels exciting. I get to show him off and let the world know that he's mine. 

When his lips let me go, I steal his free hand and hook it through mine. 

"Can I ask you something?" I say. 

"Sure," he replies. 

"Why are you so cold to Buffy?"

He stays quiet for a moment, contemplating the question. 

"Basketball was my thing," he finally answers. "It let me forget about everything wrong with me—"

"Nothing," I interrupt. "Nothing's wrong with you."

He smiles softly then continues his speech. "I guess I felt threatened by her, like she was going to take basketball away from me, and then I'd just be the gay kid with the learning disability."

"I hope you know you're so much more than that," I say. "To me, you're the very sweet, shakespeare-loving, handsome as hell poet who also happens to have my heart."

"Well, if I have that, then what else could I need," he responds with a grin. 

All of a sudden, the voice of a girl I recognize slices through the air. 

"Cyrus?"

I look over to see my first and only girlfriend from middle school.

"Iris?" I respond, sitting up a little. 

"Hi," she says, her eyes examining the sight of me on TJ's lap. "How have you been?"

"Good," I say. "How about you?"

"Good." She pauses another moment before continuing, saying, "This makes a lot of sense."

I laugh a little along with her, responding, "Yeah. But are you . . .?"

"Sort of," she says. "I'm queer. My girlfriend is actually over there."

She points across the room to a table where a red-haired girl sits having a conversation in sign language with the boy across from her.

"That's awesome," I say. "This is TJ, my boyfriend."

She nods. "I noticed. It's nice to meet you, TJ. Anyway," she says, looking back to me, "I'll talk to you later, I guess."

"Yeah, sure."

She waves before walking away, and TJ turns his gaze to me. 

"You know my sister's friend?" he says. 

"She's my ex girlfriend," I explain. 

"Well, that's a weird coincidence."

"You're telling me."

A tapping sound over the speakers calls my attention to the woman at the microphone stand. 

"Hello!" she says. "I see we've got some new people here tonight. That's awesome! It's great to see new faces! Okay, so we've got some totally cool open micers lined up. Please give a big welcome to our first poet, Iris!"

The room fills with applause as Iris steps up to the microphone stand, and clears her throat. While she speaks, TJ pulls me in closer, and I breath in every moment, knowing that we won't be able to do this so freely once we leave here tonight. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took far too long to write, but whatever. Thank for reading! If you can't tell, I love spoken word, and I've been trying to fit it into a story forever, so yes, there will be a poem in here eventually. Oh, and Irby is a top-tier ship. I love you all! Goodbye!


	8. I'm Yours

**Cyrus' POV**  
  
  


At lunch, I take minuscule bites out of my sandwich as I rest my head on my free hand, trying to keep my eyes open. After getting home so late, I'm completely burnt out. TJ said I'll be able to stay awake easy after going out a couple of nights, which I'm looking forward to. I'd be fine with never seeing the sun again if I could be with him every night. Still, I'm glad I only have to focus on not sinking back into a dream state once a week.

"Rough night?" Jonah asks. "You look like you were hit by a train."

"That's great, Jonah," Buffy comments sarcastically. "I'm sure that's exactly what Cyrus wants to hear."

"It's fine," I say. "Yeah, I'm a little tired."

"Were you up late?" Buffy asks.

"Yeah, I was . . . doing homework." 

Part of me feels guilty for lying to my friends, but I know that Buffy would hate it if she knew about TJ and I. Her best friend dating her enemy would be the ultimate betrayal in her eyes, but she doesn't know him the way I do.

Andi isn't even paying attention to our conversation. She is completely wrapped up in the piece of paper in her hands. When Buffy leans over to try to catch a glimpse of it, Andi folds the paper over and stuffs it in her jacket pocket. Her face shows her distress like a billboard sign, but she still tries to act nonchalant.

"What is it?" Buffy asks, laughing off Andi's denial to show her the page.

"Nothing," Andi replies.

She looks down at her food as though she's lost all interest in it in an instant.

"Excuse me," she says as she stands up from the table.

"Is everything okay?" I ask.

"Yeah," she says. "I'm just feeling a little queasy. I think I should go to the nurse. You guys can finish my fries."

Jonah shrugs and immediately reaches to take her half-finished plate from her tray and bring it in front of himself. Buffy shakes her head at him and gets up beside Andi.

"I'll go with you," Buffy says.

"No, you really don't need to do that," Andi says.

"No, really," Buffy pushes, "I insist."

Andi grapples for the right words for a few seconds before finally saying, "I don't want to get you sick." She doesn't give Buffy any time to argue further, quickly adding, "Bye."

She spins around and rushes out of the cafeteria. Right before leaving my sight, I see her pull out the piece of paper again and look down at it.

"What was that about?" Jonah asks with a mouth full of fries.

"No idea," Buffy responds, eyeing his eating.

All of a sudden, I catch sight of my boyfriend's face as he enters the cafeteria and walks in my direction. I return his smile with a faint one of my own, not wanting to alarm Buffy, but it's still enough to make her turn around and spot TJ approaching our table. She lets out a frustrated sigh and springs to her feet right as he reaches us.

"Speaking of snorpions," Buffy says.

TJ's confusion is apparent as he asks, "What the hell is a snorpion?"

Jonah looks up from his food to reply, "It's a cross between a snake and a scorpion. Basically, Buffy doesn't like you."

"Yeah, I figured that part out a while ago," TJ responds.

"What do you want, TJ?" Buffy snarls.

"I wanted to let you know that I talked to the guys about your uniforms," TJ explains, "and they got them washed and good as new."

Buffy looks shocked, but I'm just smiling. TJ's eyes drift over to mine, and he works to hold back the grin tugging at his lips. After the brief look we share, he returns his focus to Buffy.

"Okay," Buffy says, baffled. "Thanks."

TJ gives her a nod before stepping past her. As Buffy sits back down across from me, I notice TJ give me another glance back on his way over to his friends' table.

"That was nice of him," I say.

Buffy shrugs. "It's just a fluke if you ask me."

My entire spirit sinks at that. TJ fixed a problem that he didn't even create, yet Buffy still doesn't like him. It's difficult for me, a boy who absolutely adores TJ Kippen, to see her point of view.

"Come on, Buffy," I say. "Don't you think there could be some good in TJ?"

She lets out a small chuckle at that. "Good and TJ don't go together. He's a jerk, plain and simple."

"He's really not," I counter.

"How could you even know that? You don't even know how full name."

"Nobody knows his full name!" I argue.

"Cyrus, why do you all of a sudden care that I don't like TJ?"

That stuns me quiet.

"I don't," I mutter. "I just think you should give him a chance."

"I've given him plenty of chances," Buffy responds. "He wasted all of them."

I frown and pick up my sandwich again to take another bite, accepting that this conversation is going nowhere.

___________________________________

**TJ's POV**

 

Party of Five plays on my living room TV while Cyrus and I cuddle on the couch. He fiddles with my fingers as we lie together, which triggers a tingle throughout my hand. Dialogue buzzes through my old TV speakers, but Cyrus' eyes seem more focussed on the grand piano at the corner of the room. 

"Who plays the piano?" Cyrus asks softly. 

"Me," I reply, "and my mom."

His face lights up as he turns to look at me. 

"You play the piano? Is there anything you can't do?"

"Math," I respond with a chuckle. 

He smiles and shifts out of my arms to stand up. 

"Will you play me a song?" he asks. 

His hand sticks out to reach for mine, and I let him guide me over to the instrument. I take a seat on the bench, and he leans his arms on the piano top while I hover my fingers over the keys, getting ready to play the first song that comes to mind: "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. 

He watches, mesmerized as I hit each key. When I finish the song, he stares at me in awe.

"You have no idea how attracted I am to you right now," he says. 

I shrug and stand up, saying, "Wanna show me?"

Cyrus smiles then brings his lips to mine. Right as we find our rhythm, the rumble of the garage door opening vibrates the house, and Cyrus hesitantly pulls away, knowing what that means: my parents are home. 

My dad enters from the coat room where the back door is, followed by my mom. When they see Cyrus and I, we're already sitting back on the couch again, now at opposite ends. Having so much space between us always feels suffocating, ironic as that is. The invisible elastic band screams for us to be together every time we have to split apart, and resisting the force is draining, no matter how much practice I get. 

"Hello, boys," my dad says. 

"Hi, Mr. Kippen," Cyrus responds.

"Cyrus," he says, "how many times do I have to tell you. Call me Clyde."

"How was school?" my mom asks. 

"It was good," I answer. 

"Can I get more than just good?"

"Okay. It was very good."

She sighs and glances over at the television, which is still playing quietly in the background. 

"Good episode," she says. "Well, I'll let you two watch in peace."

As soon as my parents exit the room to go downstairs, I scoot over on the couch just enough to take Cyrus' hand. Trying to keep away from him is a form of pure torture for me. 

"You know," he whispers, "I like talking to you just as much as . . . other things."

"That's good," I respond, "but I still can't wait to take you out again on Monday."

He smiles. "Me too. Will you be performing a poem this time?"

I trace the outline of his palm with my thumb while we talk. 

"I'm working on one," I reply, "but it's not done yet."

"What about an old one?"

"Eventually," I assure him. 

"This whole patience thing is going to end up killing me," he sighs. 

I laugh softly before bringing his hand up to my lips and pressing a delicate kiss to his skin. 

"It'll be worth it," I whisper. "I promise."

_____________________________________

As soon as we enter the stairwell, Cyrus locks his hand into mine like a spring that's been compressed for too long. Amber, who had a test last Monday which made her unable to come out so late, walks ahead of us. When she hits the bottom of the steps, she spots Iris and immediately goes over to join her and Iris' girlfriend. Cyrus and I go to the same table as last time, sitting together on a sofa chair again, him on my lap, and my arm around him.

"What are you doing Saturday?" Cyrus asks. "My mom and step-dad are leaving for some work dinner party, so we could have the house to ourselves."

I frown, remembering the prior commitment I made to my friends.

"I can't," I respond. "I told Reed and Lester I would go to a party with them."

"A party?" Cyrus furrows his brows at this new info.

"Yeah. I wish I could ditch, but I already missed the last one, so I can't miss this one too."

Cyrus contemplates that for a moment before saying, "I want to go too."

"Uh, no," I say, shutting him down. I don't like the idea of my precious and innocent little Cyrus at one of Brian's parties.

"Why not?" Cyrus argues. "You think I'm not cool enough for parties? I'll have you know that I've ridden a skateboard, and I helped Andi hide her dirt bike from her parents."

"Edgy," I joke, "but you're not coming. The people who go to parties are a lot bigger and, well, overall a lot more intimidating than you."

"I can handle myself, thank you. I took taekwondo for a whole month when I was nine."

His cute pout makes it really difficult to say no to him, and I feel myself cracking under his sad eyes.

"Okay, fine," I cave. "But you have to stay with me the whole time so that I can keep an eye on you."

He smiles. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

A second later, Kari, one of the owners, steps up to the microphone stand. I glance at the clock; there's still a few more minutes before she'd usually start the open mic.

"Hello," she says, he voice significantly less exuberant than usual. "I know it's a bit early, but before we start, I want to acknowledge someone very special whom we lost on Friday."

While she takes a moment to collect herself, the room is silent, aside from the faint whimpering coming from the people at April's table at the back of the room.

"I'm sure some of you have noticed," Kari continues, "but Brandon isn't here tonight. He took his life . . ." she trails off, pausing to try to hold her tears back. "He was a bright and kind young man stuck in an unfortunate situation. He was also an amazing poet, and I know we are all lucky to have been able to hear him share his talent. I just wish the world could've seen that too."

The dead air is stiff in my lungs as she pauses. I knew Brandon. He was much more than just a trans boy who was abused at home by his parents. He had a spark in his eyes whenever he performed. He had real and raw emotions that he came out through his poetry. He was always on the edge of tears, but would never explain why. I wish I could've done something.

"One thing I knew about Brandon," Kari goes on, "is that he never liked seeing people sad. He wouldn't want us to sit here and cry over him. He would want us crying over some poetry instead, so I'm going to give us all a few more minutes to take in this news, and then we'll start with the open mic."

She steps away from the microphone with wet eyes, rushing into a hug from Kim.

Every once in a while, I forget how fragile life is—how people can be there one day and gone the next, all in the blink of an eye. I may not have been able to help Brandon, but I have this boy in my arms who I already care about more than I thought was possible. I'm never going to let anything bad ever happen to him. 

So when Cyrus' hand squeezes mine firmer, I pull him snugger into my embrace, rubbing his shoulder in reassurance.

"I'm yours," I whisper to him. "Whenever you need me, I'll be there. Don't forget that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Party of Five is a really good show. Y'all should watch it. It touches huge issues about family and society in the 90s, and gives non-biased perspectives on topics. Rather than trying to preach a certain perspective, it gives honest beliefs based on the characters, which is really refreshing. Definitely check it out if you can. I love you all! You still have one more chapter to read. Have fun!


	9. Are You Nervous?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclosure: this is a heavier chapter, so prepare yourself for some of the stuff mentioned at the end of the book summary before you read it.

**Cyrus' POV**

 

"I win!" Buffy cheers.

Jonah, Andi and I stare down at the Catan board, wondering how Buffy managed to take over half the board with her red game pieces.

"Wait, how do you have seven settlements?" Jonah questions. "The game only comes with five per colour."

Buffy shrugs and starts packing up the board game back in the box. After it's all cleaned up, she stands up from the carpet of her basement. 

"Which game do you want to play next?" she asks. 

"Can we not play another game?" Jonah whines. "You just win all of them anyway."

"It's not about the winning. It's about the fun."

"Hey," Andi butts in, "how about we get some pizza? I'm starving."

"Yeah, sure," Buffy replies. "What kind do you guys want?"

"It doesn't matter to me," I say. 

"Could I get a pepperoni pizza," Jonah starts, "with extra cheese, green peppers—?"

"Why don't you just go up to the phone with her to order?" Andi suggests.

Jonah takes her advice and follows Buffy up the stairs. Once they're gone, Andi looks over at me, suddenly looking a lot more stressed. 

"Cyrus," she says. 

"Hi, yes?"

She struggles for a minute to get her mouth to sound the words she's looking for. When she finally gets them out, she leaves me with more questions than before. 

"How did you know you were gay?" she asks. 

"Why?" I ask, trying to dissect the emotions on her face. "Do you think you might be gay?"

Her silence is interrupted by Jonah's loud feet plunking down the stairs as he makes his way back over to us. Andi instantly looks over to him, disregarding my question completely. 

"How long till the pizza gets here?" she asks.

"About ten minutes," Jonah replies. "What were you guys talking about?"

"Nothing," she answers, avoiding my eyes.

Then Buffy comes down the stairs and back over to us around the coffee table. 

"Hey, do you guys want to go to The Spoon tomorrow evening?" Buffy asks. "It's one-dollar baby taters day."

While Jonah and Andi both agree, I try to come up with an excuse that doesn't involve mentioning that I'm going to a party with TJ. What I come up with is probably the worst excuse that could've popped into my head.

"I can't," I say. "My mom wants me to vacuum the house."

"Can't you do that in the afternoon?" Jonah asks. 

"She has a thing about only doing it when it's dark out," I respond, praying that they just accept it and move on. 

"Okay, then," Buffy replies, fulfilling my wish. 

_______________________________________

**TJ's POV**

 

Brian's two-story house looks unsuspecting to someone without ears or a nose. If it weren't for the clear scent of weed coming from the open windows, and the bass of music seeping out, one would think never guess that there was a party going on inside this pale yellow abode.

"Are you nervous?" I ask Cyrus as we walk up the sidewalk together.

"No," he says. "Are you nervous?"

"No."

"Are you sure? You're kinda still holding my hand."

I look down at where my hand is wound with his and release my grip. The truth is I am nervous. Not only am I scared of Cyrus being at one of Brian's parties, but I'm also scared of what he'll think of me for going to Brian's parties.  _Why did I agree to let him come? Oh, yeah. Because he's too damn cute to let myself disappoint._

"I'll be fine," Cyrus insists. "Don't worry about me."

"Okay," I breathe, trying to convince the knot in my stomach that Cyrus is right.

We step up to the front door, and I turn the handle to let us in. The party is in full-swing with teens crowded in every corner, clearly already a little tipsy, if not completely wasted. I spot Reed and Lester talking to some other kids on the couch. As I take a step in their direction, I instinctively reach behind me for Cyrus' hand, but I turn around when I end up clasping onto empty air. Cyrus shakes his head slightly, reminding me not to do that here. I proceed forward, checking back frequently to make sure he hasn't gotten sucked into the crowd. 

"Yo!" Reed says when he sees me. "What's goin' on, bro?"

The girl beside him on the couch, Lindsey, reaches out and pulls Cyrus forward by his wrist. 

"Who's this cutie?" she asks. "He looks like one of the kids I babysit."

Cyrus pulls his hand away and glances at me with a slightly frightened look in his eyes.

"Lindsey," Lester says, "you're drunk. Shut up."

The girl giggles at that, along with a few of her friends. 

"But seriously," Lester goes on, "who is he?"

"This is Cyrus," I say.

Cyrus gives Lester an awkward wave.

All of a sudden, a girl I recognize easily from school comes up and touches my shoulder.

"TJ," Jill says, "Who said you could come in here looking so hot?"

In the corner of my eye, I see Cyrus. He looks like he's about ready to fight her—or, because it's Cyrus, engage in a complicated game of chess that he could beat her at.

"Hey, Jill," I respond, trying to be respectful, though I wish she would take her hand off of my shoulder. "How's life been?"

"Good, but it would be better with you in it."

I look back over at Cyrus, who's now stuck listening to Reed and Lester ramble on about all the people at the party.

"Have you met Brian?" Reed asks Cyrus. "Dude, you gotta meet Brian."

Cyrus glances to me before looking back to Reed and saying, "I'm okay."

"Yeah," I tell Reed, turning away from Jill. "He's just going to hang with me."

"Come on, dude," Reed says, standing up. "Let him go. He's not your wife."

Jill's voice brings my attention back to her as she adds, "I can keep you company."

You see, straight TJ would take that offer in a heartbeat. Straight TJ would let Reed take Cyrus away so that straight TJ can talk to this beautiful girl in the jean mini skirt. But real TJ doesn't want that. Real TJ would rather tell everyone to stop right now, because Cyrus Goodman is his boyfriend, and he just wants everyone to know that he cares about him more than he cares about anyone else at this stupid party. But real TJ also knows that to avoid any questions, he should let Reed drag Cyrus away, and he should stay and talk to this girl who wants to talk to him—so he does. 

"Hey, you're into Radiohead, right?" Jill asks, "There's a whole collection of their CDs upstairs. I'll show you."

She reaches for my hand, and I immediately think about how I don't want this. I don't want to be here. I just want to be with Cyrus, cuddling in his basement. 

But Lester has to be the one to remind me that straight TJ doesn't want that by saying, "Go ahead, man. Have fun."

He winks, and I look back at where Reed and Cyrus went off to while Jill leads me toward the stairs. 

 

**Cyrus' POV**

 

"Brian!" Reed shouts, his voice just one of many in this packed space.

"It's okay," I say. "I really don't need to meet him."

"No, dude, he's around here somewhere. Brian!"

While Reed turns around to continue shouting for Brian, I slip away through the sea of bodies to find TJ again. When I spot the couch where he was, I see Lester and the other kids around him, but no TJ. I feel myself begin to sweat as I wind around the clusters of teenagers, looking for a boy who seems to be gone. 

"TJ?" I call out, but there's no answer, so I try again, louder. "TJ!"

"Who's this twerp?" comes a voice behind me. 

I turn around to see three boys, all approaching me. 

"He seems a little scrawny to be here," the one wearing a red hoodie says. 

"You sure he's not a girl?" the boy with a pair of thin glasses on his face jokes.

The guys laugh, and I realize that they've definitely been drinking a little too much. 

"TJ!" I shout again, scanning the people around me to see if he's among them. 

"Why the fuck are you yelling?" the one with the glasses asks, not entirely focused on me.

"I just want to find TJ," I explain nervously. 

"Aww," the third boy, him in a black baseball cap, says. "He's looking for TJ."

"Yeah, right!" red hoodie boy responds. "Like TJ would have anything to do with this f*ggot."

The word shocks me speechless, and I step backward toward the entrance to the dining room. The guys follow me, laughing like they've lost their minds, which I'm starting to think they might have.

"You're fucking right, Joe!" glasses guy agrees. "Look at his face! He's a fucking f*g!"

They laugh together as they get closer, and my eyes are drawn to the small switchblade in red hoodie boy, Joe's, hand. My pulse goes into panic mode while my breath begins to tremble in my throat, and I try to shout one more time.

"TJ!" my voice cracks out.

 

**TJ's POV**

 

The faint sound captures my attention away from Jill and the shelf of CDs. 

"Did you hear my name?" I ask. 

Jill shakes her head. "I didn't."

It could be just my head reminding me how much I want to be with him right now, but I swear it sounded like Cyrus saying my name. Unable to get my concentration to switch back to the girl next to me, I decide to investigate. 

"It sounded like Cyrus," I say. "I'm going to go check on him."

"Cyrus?" she responds. "Is he that clingy friend of yours? Can't he handle himself?"

I instantly get defensive and step up to her to say, "Mind your own fucking business."

Her mouth drops in shock as I whip around and head toward the staircase. As I descend the stairs, a pit forms in my stomach, and I know I was right to worry. 

I spot Reed over the teenage heads and hurry over to see if Cyrus is with him. My stress only grows when I realize he's not. 

"Reed!" I shout, yanking his attention away from the girl he's talking to. "Where's Cyrus?"

"I don't know, man," he replies. "He skipped out on me a while ago."

"Great," I mumble. 

I spin around to start searching, but someone taps my shoulder, and I turn to see a kid I recognize. I think I had a few classes with him in middle school. 

"You looking for Cyrus?" he asks.

"Yeah. Have you seen him?"

He nods. "I saw him leave a couple minutes ago."

"Leave?"

"Yeah, he went out the front."

I glance toward the door, knowing he couldn't have gone far, considering I drove him here.

"Thanks, man," I say to the boy. 

"Marty."

"Thanks, Marty."

"No problem," he says with a smile. 

I begin shoving my way through the crowd to get to the door. Outside, the crisp breeze hits my skin, but I can hardly feel it with the fear flooding my body.  _Where is he?_

I rush down the sidewalk, past the cars, slowing down when I hear a quiet sniffling coming from my Chevy. I don't see him through the windows, so I walk around to the other side of the truck. Sitting on the asphalt with his knees up against his chest is my boyfriend, a boy far too kind and gentle and perfect to be crying as hard as he is. 

I lower down next to him and enclose him in my arms. At my touch, he buries his head in my chest, sobbing. I rub his shoulder with one hand and hold the back of his head with my other, wishing I could shield him from everything in this world that could ever make him cry. I don't know what happened to him, but now doesn't seem like the time to ask. Right now I just need to be here for him. 

"Shhh, it's okay," I whisper. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh, my heart. Anyway, I'm going to take the next couple days to pump out the rest of Uncovered and finished that story up, so I should have the next chapter for this story around Wednesday. Thanks for reading! We've got some drama coming up! I love you all! Bye!


	10. People Expect Me To

**TJ's POV**

 

Cyrus clings to me like a magnet, but his hold on me is nothing compared to mine on him. His tears make my chest damp, and a few of my own drip down onto his hair. Neither of us want to let go, and that's okay with me. I would stay here with him forever if I could. 

All of a sudden, a crackle bursts out from down the block, and Cyrus and I both shock our heads up and around my truck to see a crowd of teenagers spilling out from Brian's house through the door. An orange glow shines through the window, and shouts sound out from the fleeting kids. 

I remove my arms from around Cyrus before the runners get close enough to see us. Then I hoist him up by his arms and open the door to the driver's side of my truck. 

"Get in!" I shout to Cyrus over the noise of the panicking people around us. 

Cyrus nods. While he climbs up, I push his back lightly to get him in quicker. He scoots over to the passenger side before I hop in beside him and slam the door shut. The motor screeches to a start, and I swerve the vehicle away from the curb and down the street. I want to drive faster, but that wouldn't be wise with the people darting out on front of me as I drive. 

Eventually, the car makes it out of the neighbourhood and onto the boulevard, at which point, I reach my hand across to take Cyrus'. I want to say I told you so, tell him he should've listened to me when I said he shouldn't come, but I also know that that wouldn't do any good. I just can't stand seeing him so broken, and that makes me mad at myself for being so stupid as to leave him alone at that party.  

After he's run out of tears, he asks quietly, "What was that crackle?" 

"Some dumbass probably brought fireworks again," I reply.

"Again? That's normal?"

"Not normal exactly, but not shocking."

"Oh." 

Cyrus stays quiet for a while, just staring out at the shadows from the streetlights as we pass them by. Then he lets out a shuddering breath as he speaks again. 

"I'm sorry," he says.

"You? No,  _I'm_  sorry."

"I shouldn't have come," he goes on.

"No, I should've stayed with you," I say. "I was stupid."

He smiles gently as he looks at me, his eyes still puffy from all the crying he did. 

"What happened?" I ask. 

He frowns, saying, "I don't—I don't really wanna talk about it right now."

I wish he would talk about it, but I'm not going to push him. He's already gone way out of his comfort zone tonight, and I just want him to be okay again. 

"Okay," I respond. 

"TJ?" comes his frail voice again. "Why do you go to those parties?"

I sigh and look ahead at the road, trying to simplify the massive answer in my head: because I'm the confident captain of the basketball team; because Reed and Lester have been my friends since elementary school, since before they started making stupid choices; because I'm the big, tough jock who likes to have fun; because I'm the bully who puts down people like Buffy; because I'm the cool, definitely straight guy who would never like a soft boy like Cyrus Goodman—because I'm everything except what I am. 

"Because people expect me to," I conclude. 

Cyrus lets that soak in for a moment before responding, "I don't expect you to."

I smile, glancing over to him quickly before turning back to the road. 

"Yeah," I whisper, "I know."

His eyes stay on me while we zoom through the peacefulness of the nighttime highway. 

_____________________________________

**Cyrus' POV**

 

"Hi," I say as I approach Buffy and Andi at Andi's locker. 

"Cyrus," Buffy says, "you look half-dead. Did you not sleep again?"

"I did," I reply.

I wasn't awake all night, but I did have trouble falling asleep, because I kept dreaming about those boys at that party. I didn't want to tell TJ about them, because they were intoxicated and weren't thinking clearly. I doubt anything will happen again. They probably don't even remember it. 

"Well, it doesn't look like it," Andi responds. 

"Hey," Jonah says, walking up to us. "Did you hear about Jill and TJ?"

Buffy rolls her eyes at the mention of TJ's name, but I feel my chest tighten.  _What happened with Jill and TJ that TJ didn't tell me about?_

"I could not care less about TJ Kippen," Buffy says.

Jonah shrugs. "Okay—"

"No," I interrupt. "Uh—what happened?"

Buffy and Andi both look at me, confused by my interest, but Jonah doesn't suspect a thing.

"I don't know the exact details, but basically he's on Jill's dead list now."

"Her dead list?" I question. 

"Yeah," Jonah says. "It's the list of all the guys that her and her friends have agreed not to go out with."

"Is that bad?" I ask.

"Uh, yeah," Jonah responds. "She's allied with, like, a third of the grade of girls, plus a bunch of girls from other schools too. TJ just basically wrecked his dating life."

I nearly laugh at that, but I can't do that in front of my friends, because then they'll ask why I find that funny, and I'll have to come up with some lie again to cover it up. 

Once I've gotten past the humour in the situation, I realize TJ's probably having a difficult time with being hated by so many girls, and I want to find him. I glance around at the halls to see if he's here, and I find his head coming up the stairs. 

"I've got to go to class," I tell my friends. 

"There's still five minutes," Andi says. 

"I'm going early to talk to the teacher," I lie. 

Then I spin around and curl through the crowded hallway until I reach my boyfriend. He smiles when he sees me. 

"Hey," I say.

"Hey," he replies. 

"Can we talk?" I ask.

He nods and nearly reaches for my hand but stops himself before he does, opting instead to slide his hands into his pockets. 

"Follow me," he says. 

We wind between the kids and turn around the hallway into a corridor where no lockers are, which means its also free of any bodies that could see us as we enter the janitor's closet together. TJ closes the door and flicks on the light, which shines yellow down on the shelf of cleaning supplies next to us. Now hidden, he doesn't hesitate to take both my hands in his.

"What's up?" he says.

"Is everything okay?" I ask. "I heard about Jill and—"

"Yeah, her dead list," TJ says. "Trust me. I've heard all about it."

"How did that happen?" I wonder. "What did you do to her?"

He sighs. "Long story short, when I heard you yelling for me, I swore at her and walked away."

Although a tad surprised, I do feel slightly honoured that TJ swore at one of the most popular girls in the grade for me. He dropped everything to find me, and that makes me kind of proud to have him as my boyfriend. I wish I could tell . . . well, anyone really. 

"You did that for me?" 

He nods. "Cyrus, I would've killed her for you."

"I'm glad you didn't," I respond with a laugh. 

"Yeah, sure. What about you?" TJ wonders. "Why were you calling me?"

I consider telling him for a second, but that would just make him unnecessarily worried about me. He doesn't need more stress in his life, and I definitely don't want to be the cause of his stress. 

"I was just uncomfortable," I say. "There were a lot of intoxicated teenagers there."

At that, he pulls me up to him, wrapping his arms around me. 

"How about," he suggests, "we have our own little party this Friday? We can watch some Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and drink that fancy cream soda that you like?"

"Sounds perfect," I respond with a grin. 

He brings his head down to kiss me, and I get on my tiptoes to press further into it. 

All of a sudden, the door swings open, and TJ and I split apart like being chopped by a knife. Janitor Buck stares at us, dumbfounded. I look to TJ who's just as terrified as me, both of our faces pale in fright. After a moment, Janitor Buck shakes his head. 

"Get to class," he orders. 

I nod and hurry to get past him, but TJ stops in the doorway to ask a question. 

"Are you going to—?"

"I won't say anything," Janitor Buck answers in his gruff voice before TJ even finishes the question. 

"Thanks," TJ responds.

The janitor waves him off with his hand, and TJ steps over to me, both of us still shaken from that moment of fear. 

"I'll see you tonight?" I say. 

"Yup," TJ breathes. "See you."

Then we take off in opposite directions to get to our classes.

____________________________________

**TJ's POV**

 

I walk through the door to my biology class, and all eyes drift to me. 

"Kippen," my teacher says, "you're late."

"Sorry," I respond. 

I rush to the back of the room where my empty seat sits next to Reed and Lester. As soon as I sit down, the teacher continues his lecture on . . . whatever topic we're on at this point, and Reed whips around to face me. 

"Yo," Reed whispers, "wasn't that party sick?"

"I wasn't a huge fan of it," I respond. 

"What was up with that geeky kid you brought?" Lester asks beside me. 

"Cyrus?"

"Yeah," Reed agrees. "Since when do you hang out with him? Isn't he friends with that bitch on the girls' basketball team?"

It stings a little to hear that, because that's how I used to talk about her too. But I don't do that anymore. I'm not the way I was a few weeks ago. 

"Why can't I also be friends with him?" I ask. 

Reed shrugs. "I guess you can." Then he changes the subject, saying, "Yo, are you going to Cory's girlfriend's party Friday?"

"No," I answer. 

"What? Why not?" 

"Yeah, come on, man," Lester butts in. "You've gotta come."

_No, thanks. I'd much rather stay at home with my boyfriend, so that we can watch The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and likely make out a little, which is something you guys wouldn't understand, because neither of you can keep a girl for longer than a week before you screw it up._

"I told my sister I'd go to her dance thing," I lie. 

"Amber?" Reed responds. "Yo, is she still single?"

"Stop," I say frankly. 

Reed and Lester chuckle. They both love to annoy me by saying how they think Amber is hot and stuff, which is not something her brother wants to think about. 

"Boys!" the teacher shouts. "Listen up!"

Reed rolls his eyes before turning away from me toward the front of the classroom, and I get to work at doodling in my notebook instead of paying attention. 

____________________________________

**Cyrus' POV**

 

"Hey, Cyrus!" Andi calls. 

She comes up to me in the hall, stopping me on my way to my locker. 

"Jonah and I are going to The Spoon. You wanna come?" she asks. 

"What about Buffy?"

"She's hanging out with Marty," Andi explains. "She won't admit it, but I'm pretty sure it's a date. Anyway, I don't want it to be just me and Jonah."

"Is there something wrong with just you and Jonah?"

"No," she corrects me. "It's just that—well—we don't really have anything to talk about when it's just us, so having another person around makes it less awkward." 

"Yeah, sure," I reply. "I'll just go to my locker then meet you by yours."

"Awesome!" she responds. 

She waves before walking off, and I continue toward my locker. When I get there, I turn the dial to undo the lock and swing open the door. As I do, a piece of paper flutters down from where the air slits are in the metal door. Curious as to what it is, I sit my books on the shelf and kneel down to pick up the paper. As soon as I flip it over, my breath catches in my throat, and I realize I was wrong about Saturday night's incident being an isolated event. 

The slur stares up at me in red ink from the piece of ripped paper, daring me to scream or cry or get upset. Instead, I shove the note back into the bottom corner of my locker and shut it the door, my hands trembling as I block the paper out of my sight. My locker neighbours glance down at me, unsure of what to do as sit on the hallway floor with my hands over my face trying my hardest not to cry here of all places. 

 _This is happening,_  I think, working through the fact in my head.  _One of my worst fears is coming true._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all thought the story was ending? Nah. It's just starting. BTW, I'm back! Thank for reading! I love you all a ton. Goodbye and happy Easter weekend if you celebrate Easter. If you don't, then happy early Earth Day!


	11. A Very Smart Lesbian

**Cyrus' POV**

 

Andi and I walk beside each other toward The Spoon. Jonah said he would meet us here in a bit, because he has to help someone with filming some science project, so it's just Andi and I for now. 

"So," Andi says, "what have you been doing lately? I feel like you don't tell us anything anymore."

It's true. I don't. That's just because everything I want to talk about revolves around the one person whom I can't tell her about. 

"I've had a lot of homework," I reply. It's becoming concerning how easily I can lie at this point. 

"I see," she responds. 

She reaches to open the door to The Spoon, and I walk in after her. We settle into the booth by the window and unfold our menus, even though we already know what we want. 

"Um," I start, "I know this isn't the place for it at all, but did you ever want to continue the conversation we were having on Friday at Buffy's?"

Her eyebrows turn up in worry as she looks at me, trying to give an unsuspicious smile. 

"It was nothing," she says. 

"You sure?"

"Yes. Now where is our server?"

Andi's head turns to anxiously scan the room, but I find the waitress walking out from the back room first. 

"Looks like it's Amber today," I say. 

When Andi spots the blonde girl, her face flushes.

"Yeah, um, actually, I just remembered I have a ton of homework to do," she says as she hastily stands up out of the booth. "Tell Jonah I said hi."

"Wait, why are you—?"

And she's gone before I can even finish my sentence, out the door and hurrying down the sidewalk. Amber walks over with a disappointed expression on her face and takes my menu from me. 

"The usual?" she asks in a flat tone.

I nod, then say, "Amber, is everything okay with you and Andi?'

She shrugs, stamping a smile on her face, which quickly drops as soon as she starts talking again. 

"Yeah, it's totally good." She glances downward then back up. "Um, I'll be back over once your other friends get here."

I nod, and she takes off toward the counter to do her job. 

_____________________________________

TJ's arms hold me tight while we sit together in the underground restaurant. Being here with him feels safe again, which is something I've been missing. While he watches the poet perform before us, my eyes flicker over to him, scanning the familiar freckles on his nose and noticing the way his eyelashes flutter when he blinks.

"I think I was happier," the poet speaks, finishing his poem, "when I thought rainbows only ever appeared when I was looking."

The whole room claps as he takes a bow. Once he has left to take his seat again, Kim steps up to the microphone to make the next announcement. 

"That was fantastic!" she says. "Now we're going to have a short break, so you guys can get up, use the washroom, order food. We'll be back with the other half of the open mic in about ten minutes."

"So," TJ says as the people around us begin to stir, "what did you do for the rest of your day?"

I know right away that I'm not going to tell him about the climax of today and the note in my locker, because I really don't want him to worry about me. He's struggling with his friends and his identity right now, so adding my bullies on top of that would only make things worse, not help anything. Still, thinking about it threatens my eyes with tears, and I have to make up an excuse to get away so that they can settle down. 

"Sorry, I, um, need to go to the washroom," I say. 

Then I quickly get up and walk toward the back of the room, hoping TJ didn't notice how my eyes were watering. 

 

**TJ's POV**

 

Cyrus leaves suddenly, but we have been here for an hour, so I guess it's not out of the ordinary for someone to want to rush to the washroom. With Cyrus gone, I stand up and look around for my sister, finding her on a stool at the counter. I haven't seen her talking to anybody all night, which is unusual, because she's usually a social butterfly. When she sees me sit down beside her, she lets out a sigh. 

"You know," she mumbles, "if we were in Canada, I'd legally be able to drink right now."

Her words are concerning, but not because she said them. They worry me because of how she hasn't said them for a really long time. The last time I heard her tell me that line was last year after Holly stopped coming over. 

"What's going on?" I ask. 

She puts her hands in her face and shakes her head. Her palms rubs her over eyes and drag down to prop her head by her chin.

She lets out a sigh before answering, "I definitely fucked up with the girl I like."

"What happened?"

"Okay, so I've been getting my friend to leave little secret admirer notes in her locker for me, and the girl I like told me about the notes and was all giddy about them, so I took a chance and told her it was me, and now she's avoiding me."

"Oh. That sucks."

"Yeah," she agrees with a strained laugh. That triggers the tears in her eyes to start dripping as she says, "I just fucking hate this. I lost my friend because I'm a stupid lesbian. Why can't I just like guys?"

At the sight of the tears, I get up from my stool and give her a hug. Her broken breathing spurts out in puffs between sobs, and I rub her back to ease her crying. 

"For the record," I say, "I think you're a very smart lesbian."

She lets me go and smiles through her tears, letting out a chuckle at my statement. 

"You're also an amazing person who any girl would be incredibly lucky to have," I add. 

She wipes the mascara from her eyes as she takes a deep breath to try to calm herself down. 

"Thanks," she responds after a moment. "Anyway, enough about me. How are you and Cyrus?"

"We're good," I say. 

"So there's no subconscious anger about bringing him to Brian's party?" she jokes. 

"Nah, we're good," I respond. 

"Good," she says. "You two are way too cute for anything to happen to."

"Yeah," I agree. "I like him a lot. And I hope this girl realizes how lucky she is that you like her."

"Yeah, maybe," she breathes. 

She puts her arm around my shoulder, bringing me into a side hug. 

"Look at us," she says. "The Kippen siblings, taking on the world."

"Yeah. Look at us," I echo back. 

___________________________________

**Cyrus' POV**

 

I walk alongside Buffy and Andi into school, listening to Buffy go on about her basketball team's progress.

"We are going to wipe the floor with TJ's team," Buffy says. 

"Wait," I stop her. "What do you mean?"

"The game," she reminds me. "The one TJ challenged me to almost a month ago?"

"Oh, yeah, that."

I had forgotten about that, and now I'm not sure if I'm happy about Buffy reminding me. I kind of wish I could just pretend my best friend and boyfriend won't be facing off in a week.

"Yeah," Buffy says. "We're definitely beating TJ."

We walk through the doors while Buffy continues rambling about how her team has gotten way better. Once inside, we split apart and go in different directions to our lockers. 

I'm not surprised when I see the usual daily note in my locker, but it still stings to see. "Die, you f*ggot" is scrawled on the page. Today the letters have multiples colours to them, as though the writers wanted to make sure I knew how passionate they were about making me feel like shit. I crumble the note up in my hand before tossing it down into the pile of wrinkled papers at the bottom of my locker. 

Right as I stuff my backpack away, a smiling face appears, and I quickly close my locker, not wanting him to see any of the torn papers inside of it. 

"Hey," I say.

TJ grins as he responds, "Hey. What's up?"

"Nothing much," I reply.

"Great."

"Great?"

"Yes, great," he verifies, "because we still have ten minutes before class starts, and I'm pretty sure the equipment room is free."

I smile. "That is great."

A grin spreads over his face as he turns around. I follow him, checking first to make sure my friends aren't around to see me leaving with TJ. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't really have anything to say today, aside from I'm super excited, because I've got some real wild chapters coming up, and I'm hyped. Thanks for reading! I love you all! See you soon! Maybe today. We'll see how it goes.


	12. How Did They Find Out?

**TJ's POV**

 

Cyrus and I lie together in his basement while we watch The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. I rarely get to come over to his house, because his mom's and step-dad's offices are here, so they're almost always home. But tonight they have gone out for their own date night, so Cyrus and I are free to act all couple-like in his house.

We've become really comfortable with this, just us alone. We rarely ever get the opportunity to be around other people, so how could we not. Him subconsciously playing with my hands is a kind of sanctuary for me. It lets me know that we're here, we're safe, and nothing can touch us. 

"TJ?" he says over the noise of the television. 

"Cyrus?" I respond, which makes him smile.

He unwraps himself from my arms and sits up to face me on the couch. 

"I want to do something," he says, "but I need your help."

"Well, you can have it."

"Thanks," he breathes. "I want to tell my parents about us."

His eyes stay on me, examining my reaction. I don't really have one, though. His parents are all therapists, and Cyrus has mentioned before that they have fairly liberal beliefs for religious people, so I'm not too worried about how they'll take the news of their son being gay. 

Cyrus' expression is what causes my concern. His eyes are wide, and his brows are turned up in worry. Clearly, this is going to be a difficult thing for him to do, as it would be for anyone. It doesn't matter whether or not people will accept you; it's always hard to tell someone that what they so strongly believed to be true about you is in fact a lie. Because of this, I grab his hand and hold it in mine, rubbing circles into his palm with my thumb to comfort him. 

"Okay," I say. "Then we'll tell them."

He smiles and releases a breath. "You are honestly the best boyfriend I could ever imagine."

"Nah," I counter, "I think that's you."

He blushes and pulls my hand up to his chest as he lies back again, taking me with him. I tie him back into my embrace, and he begins thinking up ways to break the news to his parents. 

"Does it have to be a long, serious talk?" he wonders. 

"I don't think so," I reply. "It can be anything you want. You can make it totally casual if you want."

He ponders over that for a few seconds. In that time, footsteps ring out from above us, and Cyrus practically jumps up onto his feet.

"I'm ready," he says. "You ready?"

"I'm whatever you need me to be," I tell him. "So, yeah, I'm ready."

He smiles at that and takes my hand to pull me along behind him as he goes up the stairs. When we get to the main floor, we see Cyrus' parents in the kitchen, and Cyrus lets go of my hand before they turn to greet us. 

"Hi, Cyrus, TJ," his mother says. "How are you boys doing?"

"Good," Cyrus replies. 

He glances up at me then walks into the kitchen, and I follow. His fingernails tap on the counter while he works up the courage to speak again. During this, his parents just watch him, clearly unsure about what's going on. 

"I need to tell to you guys something," Cyrus finally says. 

"Anything, sweetie," his mom responds with concerned eyes. "What is it?"

"I, um . . ." Cyrus' voice breaks out, and he looks up at me again. 

I lean a little closer to whisper into his ear, "You can do this."

"Yes, you can tell us anything," Cyrus' step-dad says. 

Cyrus nods and takes a breath before saying, "You know how TJ is a nickname? Well, his full name is The-Boy-Who's-My-Boyfriend-Because-I'm-Gay Just-Please-Don't-Be-Mad."

His parents stare at their son in shock, and I do the same, but I do it mostly just because I'm amazed that he thought of that on the spot. Now free from any reason to stay apart from me, Cyrus links his hand back with mine and waits for his parents to say something. 

"Cyrus," his mother says, "we love you no matter what."

Cyrus lets out the breath he was holding in and steps closer into me, which lets me know to put my arm around him. His parents watch us, still processing everything. Cyrus' eyes turn onto his step-father who hasn't spoken yet. 

"Well, I don't know what to say," he huffs. "Like your mother said, I still love you. That hasn't changed. But you know there are a lot of people who would give me hell for having a gay son, and even more who will give you hell for being gay, so I need you to promise me now that you'll be careful."

Cyrus nods. "I will."

"Okay," his step-father responds. Then he holds out his arms. "Come here."

Cyrus leaves my arms for those of his parents who engulf him in a huge hug. At this moment, I realize how fast my heart was racing, because it's only now finally settling down. Cyrus is so lucky to have such a great and accepting family. I still have no idea how my own parents would handle it, but I decide not to think about that for now, focusing instead on the happy moment happening before me. 

_____________________________________

**Cyrus' POV**

 

"I had to kick Kira off the team," Buffy tells me as we walk through the hall to get to my locker. 

"She was that bad?" I ask. 

"No, she was amazing," Buffy corrects, "but she was really obnoxious, and it was bringing the team down."

"Well, I'm proud of you for doing something about that," I say. "That's what a good captain does."

"Thanks, Cyrus."

We stop by my locker, and, without thinking, I open it up. Immediately, a paper falls down to the floor. 

"What's that?" Buffy asks, kneeling down to reach for it. 

"No!" I say, the word unintentionally coming out as a shout. 

I drop down to try and grab the paper before she can, desperate to keep her from seeing what I know will be on the page, but she snatches it out from underneath my hand. My eyes start watering while she reads the note, her expression falling into concern as she looks up at me. 

"Cyrus . . ."

I want to say something, but I can't. Tears start streaming down my face in an instant, and Buffy hurries to close my locker and pull me up onto my feet then drag me down the hall toward the side stairwell. 

The side stairwell is separated from the halls of Grant by a set of metal doors, and nearly no one uses it, since it only goes from the top floor to the basement, so it's where people tend to go when they want to be alone. Anyone who's ever walked through here has heard best friends crying together before, and it looks like that's what's about to happen now. 

Buffy shuts the stairwell door and turns to me.

"How did they find out?" she asks.

I don't know how to answer that. She can't know that I was at that party with TJ, so I already know I'm going to have to make up another lie. But lying gets exhausting at some point, and right now, expelling choppy sobs in a dimly lit stairwell, I don't think I have the energy to make up another story. Yet even with that, I can't bring myself to explain the whole truth. 

"I don't think they actually know for sure," I say. "I think these guys just got a hunch and decided to pick on me for it."

Buffy immediately encompasses me in a hug, and I sink into her arms, letting her carry some of my weight. 

"You need to tell me these things," Buffy says. "I want to help you."

"Thank you," I breathe. 

"Don't ever think you need to keep things from your friends," she goes on. "We're here for you."

She lets me go, and I nod, simultaneously telling my biggest lie yet with that action. But I believe it's justified. She would never guess that TJ and I could be involved, so she doesn't really know the breadth of the secrets I'm keeping from her. If she knew that I was with TJ, she might be mad at me, or worse, make me choose between her and him, and I can't do that. So I plaster a smile on my face and pretend that I meant it when I nodded. 

"I'm going to get to class now," I say. 

"Okay," she responds. "I'll see you at lunch."

I nod and walk past her out the door. I want to just get to English so that I can stop thinking about the notes in my locker and the boyfriend whom I'm keeping secret from my friends. But as though the universe wants me to hurt, I see the beautiful boy in the hallway and instantly start crying again. When he sees me, he doesn't hesitate to rush over to me and put his hands on my shoulders. 

"What's wrong?" he asks. 

A few kids shoot us glances as they pass by, but probably mostly because I'm a sobbing mess right now rather than anything to do with TJ and I. 

At my lack of a response, TJ looks around, scanning the hallway to make sure none of our friends are around before he waves for me to follow him back to the janitor's closet. I just hope we won't be interrupted this time.

 

**TJ's POV**

 

After pulling the door shut and flicking on the light, I stand in front of Cyrus, waiting for an explanation. His eyes avoid mine, looking down at the floor instead. I can guarantee that this—him not wanting to look at me—hurts more than a gunshot would. At least a bullet is quick. This is slow, and it burns like lava pouring down on me. 

"Are you going to talk?" I ask, getting annoyed by his silence. 

He doesn't speak, and I realize just how broken he really is right now.

"What happened to you?" I ask, this time quieter. 

He finally turns his eyes up to mine, tears still rushing down his cheeks. 

"I lied to you," he says. "I didn't want you to worry about me."

"Woah, woah. What are you talking about? What did you lie about?"

My ribs seem to shrink around my lungs, causing my breath to flow in and out more spontaneously.  _What is there for him to keep from me?_

"You know how I was crying at that party last Saturday?"

I nod hesitantly. 

"It wasn't because I was just uncomfortable," he confesses. "These guys heard me calling for you and started calling me a . . . They started saying mean things, and . . . it was just really scary."

His story fuels the anger inside of me, and I have the urge to punch something, so I take it out on the cardboard box of toilet paper rolls on the shelf next to us. The bang from my fist echoes off the narrow closet walls, and Cyrus flinches at the sound. 

"Who was it?" I ask. "I'm going to kill them."

"You can't," Cyrus whimpers. 

"I can at least talk to them and tell them to leave you the fuck alone."

"No!" he cries. "Then they'll find out that you're gay too, and it'll only make things worse! I don't want you to put a target on your back to help me."

"Well, I sure as hell can't do nothing!" 

Cyrus lets out another whimper as he utters, "I just want you to hold me."

His frail voice is enough to snap me out of my rage, and I wrap my arms around him, pulling him up against me. He holds onto me like his life depends on it while he weeps into my T-shirt, and I press a gentle kiss to his head. I really don't like how accustomed I've become to seeing my sweet cyrus crying like this. I wish I could say this will be the past soon, and everything will be all better—but I honestly don't know if it will. 

______________________________________

Once I stop hearing the sound of my parents moving around in their bed, I conclude that they're asleep and it's safe to call Cyrus. I dial the numbers and sit in bed, waiting for the ringing to end and my boyfriend's voice to sound. But when it does, he doesn't sound near as chipper as he usually does when I call. 

"Hi," his voice grinds out, raspy from his tiredness. 

"Did I wake you?" I ask. 

It seems odd. During the week we always end up being woken up by the phone calls, but on Mondays he's always been awake and ready to go out with me. Now he sounds like he's just desperate to fall back to sleep again. 

"Yeah, but it's okay," Cyrus replies. "I like hearing your voice."

I smile, feeling a sense of comfort in knowing that I'm not the reason why he sounds so exhausted.

"Are you still up for going to poetry?" I ask. 

"Actually," he mutters, "I'm pretty tired from everything going on recently. I think I should stay home."

"Are you feeling okay? Should I come over?" 

He lets out a breath over the speaker before saying, "Trust me, I would love to see you right now, but my parents probably wouldn't be too fond of me having my boyfriend be in my bedroom in the middle of the night."

"But nothing would happen," I defend. "I wouldn't do anything—"

"I know," Cyrus says, cutting off my justification. "But you know how parents are."

"Yeah, I guess." I sigh. "Okay, well, I hope you sleep okay."

"You too," Cyrus responds. 

I wait on the line for another moment until Cyrus speaks up again. 

"TJ?" 

"Yeah?"

"Don't hang up until I fall asleep."

The fluttering inside me rises into my chest as I smile. 

"I won't," I assure him. 

"Okay. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

I rest the phone down on my pillow and wait for the rustling of Cyrus' tossing and turning to disappear. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's nearly midnight, and I'm honestly so tired right now, and I don't even know why. But yeah, thanks for reading! Bye!


	13. This Is It

**Cyrus' POV**

 

With my parents in the know about mine and TJ's relationship, my house is now a safe place for us to cuddle and not worry about the wrong person seeing us. After I pop the VHS tape into the VCR, I go over to sit with TJ on the couch to watch Boy Meets World. At this point, the television has just become something to play in the background while we chat, but it also seems so be the stimulant of several conversations when certain scenes play on the screen that remind us of different stories we have yet to tell each other. As we watch the scene where Cory and Topanga play laundry basketball, I'm reminded of something gnawing at my mind. 

"Are you still planning on playing the basketball game against Buffy?" I ask. 

He takes a second to consider that. I guess he probably hasn't even thought about it much recently, but all I can think about are how bad the repercussions will be, no matter who wins. 

"I don't want either of you to have to stop playing basketball," I add. 

He props his elbow up on the back of the couch so that he can see me better, and I gaze over at him, waiting anxiously for his response. 

"I'm not going to make her get rid of her team," he states. 

"That's good," Cyrus say, "but I'm also worried about if  _she_  wins."

"Oh, so you think she's going to beat me."

"No," I quickly correct him. "It's just that she's really competitive, and you're amazing, but she's also amazing, and if she wins, she's not going to go easy on you. Also, if you do win, then she's going to follow through with the terms. She's not one to back out of things, and that makes me scared for her."

He sighs. "I'll talk to her and get her to call off the game."

"Thank you," I respond. 

I lift my chin up a little, and TJ leans in to kiss me, reminding both of us of how easily we fit together. When his eyes flutter open again, they land on something by my ear that I had forgotten about. He lifts his thumb up to touch the scrape just below my left ear, and I turn to face him. 

"When did his happen?" he wonders. 

"Some guys thought it would be funny to aim the birdie at me when we were playing badminton in P.E.," I explain. 

It seems like more people are starting to pick on me lately, so I assume those three guys from the party are no longer the only people aware of me being gay. I can tolerable it, though, because so far the bullying has been limited to just hateful comments and words, which I do my best to block out. However, I'm not always successful with that.

TJ's finger lingers over the tender mark.

"Does it hurt?" he asks. 

I shake my head slightly, keeping my eyes locked with TJ's. 

He removes his hand from the edge of my jaw and lowers his head down to gently kiss the scrape below my ear. A tingle ripples out from where his lips graze my skin, tracing a line down my neck, stopping about midway. Then he brings his lips back up to meet mine, and I feel my lungs expand to draw in my first breath all over again. 

_____________________________________

**TJ's POV**

 

I find Buffy in the exact place I would expect to find her the day before our game: the gym. She's practicing her free throws alone when I enter in, stopping to roll her eyes when she sees me. She has her hair tied back to keep it out of the beads on sweat forming on her forehead.

"Slayer!" I call. 

"You're finally calling me by my name," she says with a smirk. 

I release an exasperated sigh. She's already getting on my nerves, but I promised Cyrus I would call off the game, so I'm going to follow through with that. Besides, something about her sass actually seems familiar. I think it reminds me of me. 

"Yeah, whatever," I respond. "Look, I don't think we should play the game tomorrow. It's just going to end up with one of us not being able to play basketball anymore."

She crosses her arms over her chest as she says, "You're afraid I'll win."

I let out a chuckle at that. This girl just wants to get on my nerves. I know that—so why is it working?

"As if," I scoff. "I just don't want you moping around after losing your little girls' team."

I think this kind of back and forth is permanently cared into the way we communicate. I can't seem to help but get sucked back into an argument, even one I don't really care about. 

"Well, you won't have to worry about that," Buffy insists, "because my team in going to kick your ass."

"If you want to play, fine, but at least drop the stuff about one of us quitting basketball."

"That's  _so_  not going to happen," she says as she takes a shot for the net. "When I make a bet, I stick to it."

The ball bangs the floor, bouncing back up into Buffy's hands. She catches it and puts her free hand on her hip. 

She's got a helluva lot of spunk. She knows how much she stands to lose, but she still wants to go through with this. I don't even know how to change her mind.

"Fine," I cave. "My team will be here tomorrow."

"Good," she responds with a smirk. 

All I can do at this point is hope I win so that I can tell her she won't have to disband her team, but that's a huge if. There's still the chance that she could beat me, which I'm scared to think about. I could be off the basketball team for the rest of the year.  _Would Buffy agree to let me out of the terms? I doubt it._ I'll just have to give it my all and pray for the best. 

I turn around and walk out of the gym to find Cyrus waiting for me in the hallway. 

"So you talked to her?" he asks. "You're not competing anymore?"

I let out a breath and reach up to put my hand on the back of my neck. 

"Actually, we still are. I couldn't manage to convince her to back out."

Cyrus' eyes grow wide in worry, and I want to hug him, but I know I can't. Not here where there are teenagers passing by who could see us. 

"Of course you couldn't," he responds with a sigh. "Once Buffy has her mind set on something, getting her to sway is almost impossible."

"So I'm just going to have to try to beat her," I say. 

"TJ, you're a great basketball player, but Buffy is too."

"Yeah, I know," I breathe as I lean back against the wall. "Why do you think I was so resistant when she wanted to join the team? She's incredible."

Cyrus leans beside me, his shoulder touching mine.

"You're incredible too," he says in an attempt to give me confidence. "I have faith in you."

"Thanks, Cy. I hope I can earn that faith tomorrow."

____________________________________

**Cyrus' POV**

 

I walk toward the gym alongside Buffy and her team. They all look a lot more confident than they were a month ago, which worries me. If Buffy beats TJ, then TJ can't play basketball anymore. That's been the foundation of his identity for so long. I'm afraid of what would happen to him if he all of a sudden didn't have that. 

"Are you ready?" I ask Buffy, internally hoping she says no. 

"Ready to crush TJ and his team," Buffy replies. 

"Great," I say, although I'm feeling anything but great. 

We enter the gym, and I catch TJ's eyes immediately, but as much as I want to run up and kiss him once more for good luck, I know I can't. Instead, I go over to take my seat on the bleachers to watch this game unfold. 

Buffy's eyes are cold as she explains the rules of the game to TJ, but he just looks ready to leave. The teams diffuse across the court, and the game begins. Thankfully, one of the girls on Buffy's team is keeping score instead of me. I would certainly fail to write down the correct amount of points each time a team makes a basket, but then again, I would be able to "accidentally" give TJ extra points. 

As the game nears its end, I glance over at the whiteboard that the girl is holding up to see who's winning. The fact that they're both tied only intensifies my nerves, causing me to watch even closer. At one point, I realize I'm sitting so far on the edge of my seat that I nearly fall off when I flinch forward at Buffy stealing the ball from one of TJ's teammates. 

"This is it," the scorekeeper says to me. "Whoever makes the next shot wins."

This is when my body goes into panic mode, and I find myself chanting, "Please, TJ, please, TJ," under my breath. 

I know it's over when Buffy tosses the ball into the air, and TJ glances over at me, his face torn in disappointment. My mouth drops into a frown as Buffy and her girls all cheer, and the scorekeeper sprints over to join the massive group hug happening. I watch TJ as him and his boys give each other pats on the back and tell each other that they did their best. But their best wasn't good enough, and now TJ has to give up his captaincy. 

My boyfriend begins to walk over to me, a pained look in his eyes, but Buffy's voice causes him to freeze and change direction, heading for the door instead. 

"Looks like he doesn't handle losing very well," Buffy remarks as she approaches me. 

My brain hurts from trying to work through what just happened. The winning shot replays in my mind, and I see my boyfriend's defeat appear on his face clear as day. It clouds any sense of pride I feel for Buffy's victory, making me unable to stop the anger bubbling up inside me. 

I stand up but can't bring myself to walk into her open arms. Her expression falls when she notices my tears, and she drops her hands back down. 

"Cyrus, what is it?" she asks.

My lip quivers as I try to hold in everything I want to say. I want to scream at her. I want to tell her that the boy she hates means the world to me. I want her to know how hard he's trying to be civil with her, but she just won't let him. I want to say all of these things so badly, but not with both basketball teams watching. 

So I take off toward the doors, hearing Buffy shout my name as she chases after me. Once in the hall, I look for TJ, but I can't find him, so instead I zip down the empty, after-school hallway to go to a place where I know nobody will enter to see me cry. 

Buffy rushes into the side stairwell after me and looks at her teary-eyed friend standing against the wall. As she steps forward, I can no longer contain my frustration. 

"Buffy, why did you have to play that game!" I lash out. 

My outburst catches her off guard, and she stares at me, quiet. 

"TJ wanted to call it off, but you were too stubborn to let him!" I go on. "Why do you always have to win everything!"

"Cyrus . . ." She pauses, clearly at a loss for words. 

"Did you ever think that maybe he's not such a horrible person? No, you didn't, because you just want to be right, no matter who you hurt!"

Now she's fired up and shouting back, "I don't  _need_ to be right! I just am!"

"Why can't you just admit when you're wrong!"

"Why do you even care?" she yells back, rendering me silent. "You never even talked to TJ before this year, and all of a sudden you're on his side instead of mine?"

I suck in a breath, trying to get enough oxygen to stop myself from crying, but it only intensifies the tears, and I let out a broken sob that echoes throughout the stairwell. 

"He's my boyfriend," I croak out in a voice so frail it would shatter under the weight of a feather. 

Buffy stares at me in disbelief.

"Yeah, I didn't expect you to have anything good to say about that," I mumble. 

Then I whip around and rush out of the stairwell, leaving my friend to stand alone in shock. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, damn, Here's where we at, kidz. I'm going to try to write another chapter today, but I'm not sure if I'll finish it. We'll see. Thanks for reading! I love you all! Bye!


	14. Don't What?

**Cyrus' POV**

 

I haven't spoken to any of my friends since Friday. This morning, I saw Buffy, Andi and Jonah talking together and decided it would be best just to continue past. Now, at lunch, I enter the cafeteria and immediately my sight falls upon the curly-haired girl staring back at me. I can't read her blank face like I usually can, and that makes me nervous, but I know she probably doesn't want to talk to me right now. I don't look for her reaction as I turn and search for a different friend to sit with. With Buffy mad at me right now, I am prevented from sitting with Andi or Jonah, so they're off the list of choices. 

When my eyes wander across to the blonde boy sitting at a table with his friends, I realize that there's no reason anymore for me to not talk to him at school. Sure, I can't act like his boyfriend, but I can act like his friend. With this in mind, I walk over to where him and his friends are chatting. 

"Hey," I say when I reach them. "Can I join you?"

TJ smiles at me and nods. "Yeah, sure."

I sit down next to him, then scoot away a little bit after realizing how close we were. 

"Guys," TJ says, "you remember Cyrus, right?"

"Yeah, of course," Reed replies. "You're the kid who skipped out at that party." 

Reed and Lester are calmer sober, but they still aren't that normal. When Lester pulls out a container of watermelon slices, Reed knocks him in the shoulder and steals the container away from him. 

"Bro," Reed says.

"What?" Lester responds, snatching his watermelon slices back. 

"Is that the watermelon we were going to shoot?" 

I glance over at TJ, and TJ opens his mouth to speak but closes it a second later, shaking his head. 

"Dude," Lester says, "we're not shooting it anymore, so who cares?"

"Reed has community service to finish," TJ explains to me. 

I nod and look back over at TJ's friend who's now eyeing Lester's watermelon while Lester eats it. 

"At least give me a slice," Reed says. 

Lester pushes the container over for Reed to pick up a triangle. After biting into it, he shares a glance with Lester.

"Isn't this a better use of those watermelons?" Lester says. 

Reed doesn't answer, but continues snacking on the fruit. After a moment, he pushes the box across the table to me.

"You want a piece?" Reed asks. 

"Uh, sure, thanks," I respond as I take out a slice for myself. Then I look over to TJ, saying, "Thanks for letting me sit with you guys."

"Anytime," TJ replies, giving me a pat on the shoulder. 

Reed and Lester exchange glances in my peripheral vision, but TJ just smiles at me. 

As I begin eating my lunch while listening to Reed and Lester's story about how Reed got fifteen dollars of free gas when the meter stopped counting the cost, my focus wanders over to the familiar boys snickering at the table over. The boy in the red hoodie looks at me as he says something to glasses guy, and they both laugh. 

Suddenly uncomfortable, I stand up and pack my lunch away again. 

"Where are you going?" TJ asks. 

"Um . . ." I try to think of an answer, but can't come up with anything. "Anywhere else."

I start out of the lunchroom, and TJ follows after me. Once in the hall, he reaches for my shoulder to spin me around to face him. 

"What was that?" he asks. 

"It was those kids," I explain. "They were there."

"Who? I'll get them to stop."

"TJ, we've been over this," I sigh. "You're not doing anything."

He nods, accepting again what he already knew I would say. 

"Okay," he says. "Do you want to walk around for a bit then?"

I smile. "Yeah."

We start strolling down a random hallway, not going anywhere in particular, and I ask him something else that's been on my mind. 

"Are you off the basketball team?"

TJ looks down, running his hand through his hair as he does, before responding, "Yup."

I hate that. I hate that the one thing he loved doing most has been taken away from him. 

"Did Buffy tell you to?" I ask.

"Well, she hasn't said anything since Friday's game, but I'm a man of my word, so I told the guys I'm retiring my captaincy."

"Oh."

I feel a sense of relief in knowing that Buffy didn't continue to push TJ after my fight with her on Friday, although I have no idea what it means. She probably just didn't want to talk to the guy who she thinks is nothing but a heartless jerk. Even if he didn't have a heart of his own, he definitely has mine, so that must count for something. 

"That's very respectable of you," I add. 

"Thanks."

_____________________________________

The evening is warm as I saunter down the sidewalk. I figured I could use some fresh air to just think about things. A few cars pass by sending wind in my direction. 

As I walk past The Spoon, I peek in through the window, curious to see if my friends are here without me. I frown when I spot them sitting together in a booth. Amber's not working tonight. I guess that's why Andi's here, because Andi and Amber are obviously not fine, no matter what Amber told me. I didn't want to push it then, but I am curious as to why Andi's avoiding her. 

I continue on past the diner while I think about this, but my thoughts get distracted when I catch a glimpse of a baby blue truck in a parking lot behind the shops. I decide to turn down the pathway between two stores to check it out, but I'm quickly disappointed when I notice that this truck isn't the one I'm so used to. It doesn't have the scratch on the front bumper, nor the little pineapple air freshener dangling from the rearview mirror, not to mention it's not even a Chevy. 

With TJ now on my mind, I pull out my wallet and open it up to take out the small polaroid photo of TJ and I together in his living room. I'm so fixated on the memory that I don't even notice the sound of an engine sputtering to a stop behind me. 

All of a sudden, an arm swings around my shoulders, and my body tenses up in fear. 

"What's up, f*ggy?" the dark-haired boy who was wearing a baseball cap at the party says. 

I stuff the photo back into my wallet and close it, but that only draws attention to the object in my hand, and the kid I remember as Joe grabs it. 

"What have we got here?" he asks. 

I shrug off the dark-haired boy's arm and whip around to face Joe, but I'm unable to speak due to the dryness of my mouth. 

"He doesn't have any money," the red hoodie says. "What idiot would hire this f*ggot?"

I step up to reach for my wallet, but Joe shoves me backward into the brick wall of the building behind me. My pulse ricochets off my ribcage as I watch Joe examine the contents of my wallet. He pulls out a ten dollar bill and passes it to red hoodie.

"Look, Aiden," Joe says. "The kid must get an allowance."

That's when he notices the photo tucked into one of the slots, and every muscle in my body becomes paralyzed. 

"That's not all he gets," Joe says with a snicker. 

He shows the picture to his friends.

"Is this your boyfriend?" red hoodie, Aiden, asks through his hysterical laughing, making the words come out as a screech. "Well, I'll be damned. Kippen's a f*g too."

I try to scrape up the last of the courage left in my body, but all I can manage to say is, "Don't."

"Don't what?" Joe asks, stepping up to me. "Don't hurt your boyfriend?"

Joe chucks my moneyless wallet onto the cement before holding up the photo of TJ and I. Then he tears the paper into two, simultaneously ripping my heart along with the picture. The pieces drop to the ground, landing at least a metre apart from each other.

I begin to cry as the boys close in around me, but, although I'm their victim right now, all I can think about is how they now know about TJ too. Once they're done with me, they're going to go after him, and I'll be powerless to stop them. As long as TJ is my boyfriend, he has a bigger target on his back than he ever would alone. His life is about to go to hell, all because he let himself feel something for the wrong person, and I will do anything to lessen that pain. A waterfall breaks from my eyes when I realize what I have to do.

_____________________________________

**TJ's POV**

 

The damp cloth turns redder each time I dab the cut on Cyrus' bruised lip. He hisses in pain under the pressure, and I take his hand with my free one. He looks down at it for a moment while I move on to the cleaning the scratch across his nose. 

His parents aren't home to see this, which honestly is lucky for them. Cyrus had called me and asked me to come over. He said he had to talk to me, and I guess this is why. I've officially had enough of these bullies going after my boyfriend. 

"TJ," Cyrus mumbles.

"I'm almost done," I say. "I'm just wiping this last cut."

Cyrus stays quiet while I finish up. When I bring my hand down, his eyes drift to the side, avoiding mine. 

"TJ, they know about you."

I wait search for some sign to tell me that he's kidding, that this is some kind of twisted joke, but I already know that he wouldn't do that. It's him. He doesn't do things to hurt me. At least that's my assumption prior to his next words. 

"I don't think we can be together anymore," he says.

His hand pulls free from mine, clasping together with his own instead, and I stare at him in shock.  _What the hell is he talking about? Why is he saying this? What did those guys do to him?_

"As long as we're dating, you have a bigger target on your back," he explains. "I care about you too much to let you get hurt because of me."

I don't know what to say. This is all just so sudden.  _Okay, now he must be joking._  But his face stays serious.  _He's not joking. He's really breaking up with me._

"No," I argue. "I don't care about those people."

"TJ, you don't know what it's like," he mutters. "I go to school knowing that people hate me, that they think of me as being some scum of the earth. People call me names as they pass me in the halls, and today I found out that I can't even go outside without being at risk." He lets out a shaky breath as he tries to hold in the tears that I know are fighting to break loose. "I'm not going to let you go through that."

"So I can't help you, but you can help me?" I say, my voice rising in volume as the stress of the situation kicks into action. "You can't do that, Cyrus! You can't be the hero and the victim at the same time!"

His eyes stare downward, and he stays silent, having nothing left to say. This is what breaks me, and I feel the tears begin to drip down my cheeks. 

"Cyrus," I breathe. "I love you."

I love him. _Oh, god, I love him._ I love him the way the sun loves the morning. I love him like the river loves to flow. I think it's always been there, hiding, and I'm just now realizing it. But at this point, I don't know how I could let it go.

His eyes flick up to mine, but his expression remains stoic. 

It hurts when he kisses my lips. It's not free and open and exhilarating. This kiss drains me, like he's stealing a piece of my soul for himself to take with him when he leaves. He backs away, and I feel light-headed, like I've been on a carousel for years, and it's finally now slowing to a stop. 

"Please," Cyrus whispers. "Please don't make this harder."

"Fine," I respond. "If that's what you want, then I guess I'll leave."

He keeps his eyes down as I stand up from his couch and walk away. After opening the front door, I turn around to look back at him, but he's still facing the opposite direction, so he doesn't see me as I step outside and pull the door shut behind me. 

The instant I'm out of his range of sight, I crumble to the ground against the door, crying for only the dead evening air to hear. Nobody's outside to listen to me whimper as my life falls apart. Nobody's here to watch the downfall of the former captain of the basketball team. Nobody is around to find out that the brunette boy in a short-sleeved, button-up shirt who got me to put down my shield is now throwing stones in my direction. Nobody sees this. This show is left for me to watch on my own, but I'd give anything to change the channel. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Easter! Sorry for killing your mood. I love you all! Have a wonderful day! I'll try to update again today, but we'll see how that goes.


	15. Nothing About This

**TJ's POV**

 

I'm surprised I still have fluid left to cry by the time I get home. I peek through the decorative glass window in the door and see my parents on the couch. I can't have them ask me why I'm so upset, so I take a minute to try to wipe away my tears before entering in. 

"Hi," my mom says. "How was your day?"

I keep my head down as she looks over, blocking my face with my arm. 

"It was good," I answer with a sniffle.

"That's . . . nice." 

By the time she finishes talking, I'm already out of the room, up the stairs. I crash down onto my bed and stare up at the roof. Although I feel like I'm about to cry again, I can't force out any more tears. It's as though my heart has gone numb to avoid hurting anymore. 

I sit up when I hear a knock on my door and see Amber with a giant smile in the doorway. 

"Guess what," she says as she comes in, closing the door behind her. 

"What?" I ask, sitting up. 

She plops down onto the bed, clearly oblivious to my poor mood, so I guess I'm doing a good job at hiding it. 

"You know that girl I told you about?" she says. 

"Yeah?"

"Well, she started talking to me again, and she told me she likes me, and I asked her out, and she said yes."

Amber's grin appears unmovable, but I somehow manage to ruin it when I break down again, falling back onto my pillow in tears. Maybe having two Kippen siblings happy at the same time is just too much for the universe to keep up. Maybe my good luck got passed on to my sister instead. As much as I want to be happy for her, every muscle in my body feels too heavy to lift, including the ones in my smile which I can't get to cooperate with me. 

"What's wrong?" Amber asks gently. 

"Cyrus—" My breath cuts out in the middle on my sentence, so I try again. "He broke up with me."

"Oh," Amber mutters. 

She lies down beside me to look up in the same direction as I am. 

"I'm sorry," she says. 

"It's not your fault," I respond. 

"Why did he do it?"

It takes me a minute to remember, because, for the last fifteen minutes, all I've been able to think about is how wrong this feels. 

"There are these guys who found out about us," I explain. "He said he wanted to keep me from being hurt by them—so  _he_  hurt me instead."

I take in a breath to try to soothe my crying, but it doesn't help. Amber's arm reaches around to hug my shoulders in an attempt to comfort me.

"It'll be okay," she whispers.

"Amber," I croak, "nothing about this is okay."

She looks over at me, then back up at the ceiling.

"I know," she whispers. 

_______________________________________

**Cyrus' POV**

 

In the morning, I take the long route to class to avoid running into any of my friends. People shoot glances at me as I pass them by, and who could blame them? I look so beaten up that you'd think I fell off a cliff. The bruises on my back are still sore from yesterday, making it ache to carry my backpack. 

When I get to English class, I find a desk far away from where Jonah is sitting, like I did yesterday. At the sight of me, my friend gets up and switches seats to settle into the one behind me. I don't turn around, but he still speaks. 

"Cyrus."

Slowly, I turn around in my seat to look at him, and his mouth gapes as he stares at my wounds. 

"What happened?" he asks. 

I can't explain it fully here. This classroom is free from anyone who might bully me, and I want to keep it that way. 

"Um . . ." I consider how to tell him the story without letting out any incriminating details. "You know that secret I have?"

He looks at me, clueless. 

"The one about the gefilte fish?" I add, referencing back to the time I came out to him at my baba's funeral. 

"Oh, yeah, that. Buffy also told me a little more about that yesterday."

I figured she would have to explain to Jonah and Andi why she was mad at me, so I'm not surprised that he knows about TJ and I—or he did know about us until us was cancelled. The reminder that TJ and I are no longer together grapples at my lungs, making it difficult to take in another breath to speak. 

"Some people found out about it," I explain, "and they didn't like it."

Jonah looks at me with the same concern that my parents did when they saw me last night. My mom and dad wanted to call the school and let them know about the bullies, but I convinced them not to, knowing that that will only encourage those kids to tell more people about me, and then I'll be everyone's target. 

After a moment of quiet, Jonah says, "You know I'm here for you, right?"

I give him a smile, but say, "I don't think Buffy would want you talking to me. I'm pretty sure she hates me right now."

Jonah sinks back into his chair, not sure how to counter that.  _I must be right then. I've now officially lost one of my best friends and my boyfriend both in the same week. Maybe tomorrow I'll lose my other friends too._

Right as I'm about to turn around again, Jonah opens his mouth, saying, "Buffy's mad, but she doesn't hate you. She's mostly just upset that you kept your—uh—him a secret from her for so long."

"Are you not mad too?" I ask. 

He shrugs. "I get why you did it. I would probably do the same thing if I were in your shoes."

I smile. "Thanks, Jonah."

"No problem, Cy Guy."

He gives me a pat on the shoulder before the teacher steps into the room and calls our attention toward the blackboard. 

_____________________________________

When the lunch bell rings, I go to my locker and drop my books down on the pile of crumpled papers in the bottom. I don't know why I haven't thrown those out yet. I know I should, but something stops me every time I go to pick them up. To remove them would relieve myself of the pain I feel whenever I look at them, and the idea of being comfortable again just doesn't seem right. I don't know how to explain it. It just feels like I know I don't deserve to that. The torture of these notes gives me a sense of balance, like this is how things should be. I stole a boy's heart, knowing I couldn't keep it safe, and that guilt stays with me like sandpaper, constantly rubbing against every attempt I make to pick up those notes and throw them into the garbage can. 

I notice Jonah approach me as I lock the paper mountain away in the dark cubby. 

"Cyrus," he says, "do you want to join me for lunch?"

I shake my head. "I doubt Buffy would want that."

"Dude, who else are you going to eat with?"

_Thanks, Jonah, for that reminder that I don't have any other friends aside from them._

"Don't worry about me," I say. "Go eat."

"You sure?" he asks.

"Yes," I insist. "Go. Don't pity me. I'll be fine."

He nods, waiting another moment before turning away to leave toward the cafeteria. 

With him gone, I head to the washroom, but, when I push open the door, the two boys standing by the sink snap their glares to me. They aren't the ones who I stumbled across yesterday, but they have clearly spoken to those boys, because they look at me in disgust. 

"Get out of here, assfucker," one barks.

Although I'm frozen in fear, the boys looking at me are not, and a different one walks up to me and rips the door out of my grip as he looks down on me. 

"We don't want no pansy watching us," he snarls.

The boy shoves the door shut in my face, knocking me backward onto my bum. The kids passing by in the hallway stare at me as the bit of strength I had snaps and tears begin to stream down my face. Whispers buzz around me as I force myself back onto my feet and take off in a run down the hallway. I just want to get away from here; where that is exactly, I don't care. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter than the last few for sure. I might be able to write another one today, but don't count on it. Sorry for this, but it's all necessary to get to the resolution. Love you! Thanks for reading!


	16. You're Right

**TJ's POV**

 

As I walk through the hallway toward the cafeteria, a shoulder bumps into me, and I whip around to figure out which kid can't see where he's going. The guy staring back at me is one I know. Danny's hair falls in a middle part on either side of his face, framing his smug smile.  

Usually, I wouldn't care so much, but my mood was already on the edge of an explosion, and this pushed me off the edge. 

"Danny!" I holler.

"Sorry, Kippen. I'm not interested," Danny says, putting his hands up. "I ain't gay."

My hands curl into fists, and I have to focus all of my energy on not cracking this kid's skull. Because of this, my brain fails to think up some witty comeback, allowing Danny to walk away with his friends as the snicker together. 

Then I realize something: if Danny knows, then that means Danny's friends must know too, which means pretty soon someone will end up telling Reed and Lester. So I need to throw away all my trepidation and tell them before they hear it from someone else. 

I enter the cafeteria and go over to toss my lunch bag onto the table where Reed and Lester sit. I drop down into the seat with the intention of telling them right here and now, but as soon as I open my mouth, my vocal chords say decide to screw that and stop working. 

"You okay there, bud?" Lester asks, looking up from his bowl of noodles. 

"Yeah," I reply. "Uh, I have something I need to tell you guys."

My friends stare at me while they eat, and I take a few seconds to work up the courage again to speak.

"Cyrus," I start, failing to get any further. 

"What about him?" Reed asks. 

"He, uh—he wasn't just my friend," I stutter out. "He was my boyfriend."

The words must've weighed an enormous amount, because I feel a thousand times lighter with them out in the air. But the short delay before Reed responds is enough to let my brain flood with a million worries about how they could react. 

Reed raises his eyebrows. "Are you serious right now?"

I swallow hard as I nod. 

"Ha!" Lester chuckles. "You owe me twenty bucks."

Reed releases an exasperated sigh and reaches into his back pocket for his wallet. He pulls out the bill and slaps it down on the table in front of Lester who picks it up with pride. 

"Damn it, TJ," Reed says.

"Hey, don't be mad at TJ just because you're an oblivious dumbass," Lester tells him. 

"Wait," I say, trying to get this straight. "You guys were betting on me being gay?"

Reed and Lester both look over at me and shrug. My relief comes out as a laugh, and I open up my lunch bag to take out my meal. 

All of a sudden, I catch sight of Brian and his black hoodie passing by my table. He really needs some variety in his clothing, but he refuses to wear anything else. I guess he thinks he'll die if he takes it off or something. 

"Hey, TJ," he says, "you didn't tell me you were a f*g."

Him and his friends laugh, but Reed doesn't put up with it.

"Hey, Brian!" he shouts back. "You didn't tell me you were an asshole."

Brian's smug look drops and the guys around him let out a collective "ohhh" as they nudge Brian, laughing. Brian shoves their hands away and carries on toward his table. 

When him and his friends are gone, I look over to Reed and Lester who are grinning right back at me. 

"Thanks, guys," I say. 

"No problem, man," Reed responds. "Now where's that boy of yours at? I thought he would be sitting with us again."

I frown. "He's not my boy anymore."

"Oh, I'm sorry, bro," Lester says. "What happened?"

"Kids like them happened." I nod in Brian and his friends' direction. "He wants to protect me from them."

"Well, shit, that ain't working," Reed responds with a laugh. 

"Yeah, I know," I say. 

"Well, you need to get him back," Lester states. 

"I can't," I reply. "He's convinced this is best for me."

"So," Reed says, "what I'm hearing is you're a wussy."

"That's what I heard," Lester agrees.

They nod together in unison. I know what they're trying to do. They want me to get all defensive and try to prove them wrong. And damn it, it's working. 

"I'm not a wussy," I state. "I'm going to get Cyrus back."

"Nice," Reed responds. 

He shares a grin with lester, knowing he won this battle, but I can't say I'm mad about it. They gave me the push I needed to get me to end my pity party. I just need this confidence to stay with me until I can find Cyrus and talk to him. 

____________________________________

**Cyrus' POV**

 

I walk toward my locker at the end of the school day, keeping my head down in the crowd of teenagers to avoid calling attention to my scabbed and bruised face. Suddenly, the last voice I needed to hear sounds out, and I turn around to see the very person who's taking up too much space in my brain. 

"Cyrus," he calls as he approaches me. "I need to talk to you."

I shake my head and step back, responding, "Please, TJ. Just let me go."

"No," he says. Then he glances around at the busy hall. "Look, can we go somewhere else? I really have to talk to you."

"TJ, please," I whisper, keeping my eyes away from his. "I don't want to do this anymore."

Before he can respond, I spin back around and continue walking toward my locker. It feels like breaking up with him all over again, and I'm surprised I'm able to stay standing with how dizzy I feel. Without him, my sense of direction is skewed. Every time I plan to go one way, I find myself drawn back to him, and I don't know how to stop it. 

When I finally reach my locker, I open it up and stuff my school books into my backpack. Before closing the locker, I take out my wallet. It's scuffed up from being thrown onto the cement yesterday. 

I find myself sliding a familiar photo out of one of the card slots. I've managed to mend it with tape, but the tear is still visible, running like a vein between the TJ and I in the image. With our pictures separated, it seems like the universe is sending me a very clear message: we can't be together. I know I should get rid of the photo, but I just can't do it.

All of a sudden, another voice, Buffy's, shouts to me from down the hall. I toss the photo down, aiming for the pile of papers at the bottom of my locker, then close the door and lock it. Rather than wait for her to come up and tell me all about how mad she is that I didn't tell her about TJ, I choose to avoid talking more about the boy who's already causing my head to ache. I swing my backpack over my shoulder and rush away in the opposite direction from her. 

_____________________________________

Birds chirp in the dark outside as I sit on my bed. I'm trying to read Macbeth again for a test I have coming up, but every time I open the pages, all I can think about is how TJ would be able to help me understand this a lot better. Eventually, I get so frustrated that I slap the book shut and chuck it across the room. Right as I do that, my door opens, and I look over to see a curly-haired girl entering in. 

"Your mom let me in," Buffy explains. "I really need to talk to you."

"If you're hear to guilt trip me, you don't have to," I say. "I've got that covered." 

She frowns as she takes a seat on my bed. Then she reaches into her jacket pocket and pulls out a polaroid photo with a mess of tape holding it together. 

"You dropped this," she says. 

She holds it out to me, but I just stare at it. Maybe it should've stayed lost. Then I wouldn't be so tempted to look at it every waking second. 

Buffy's next words take me by surprise.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I shouldn't have freaked out about you defending TJ. I just felt betrayed, but I never considered how you must've felt having your best friend hating on your boyfriend all the time."

Hearing her say that triggers the waterworks again, because there's one huge problem with her statement: TJ's not my boyfriend anymore. At the sight of my tears, Buffy reaches for my hand and closes it in hers. 

"It's okay," she tells me. "I'm not mad anymore. You can date whoever you want."

"But it's not okay!" I cry. "TJ and I can't be together!"

She pauses for a second before asking, "Why?" 

"See the marks on my face? This is why! People hate me for being gay! They pick on me and abuse me, and I don't want TJ to go through the same thing!" 

"Cyrus, people suck sometimes," she says, "They really do, but you just have to push through it. I know it's not fair, but you can't let those stupid people control your life."

"How do I do that?" I take in a breath, letting it out in a shudder. "I didn't ask to be this way, Buffy."

Buffy shifts herself closer to me, and reaches to take my other hand now too. 

"Cyrus," she starts, "if you were given the choice to be straight and give up everything you have with TJ, would you do it?"

"How do you know anything about me and TJ?"

"Cyrus, you're crying your eyes out right now over this boy, and I'd have to be an idiot to have not noticed the way you smiled when he looked at you at lunch yesterday. Would you give that up to make things easier?"

I look down at our connected hands, seeing a tear drip down onto the quilt on my bed. I already have given everything I had with him up, and I'm still being bullied. But I'd give up everything in this world for him to be happy. 

"I don't know," I reply. "I just don't want anyone to hurt him."

"Do you hear how backwards that is?" Buffy argues. "You broke up with him. He looked so broken today, like his whole world was falling apart. Cyrus, as long as people know he's gay, TJ is going to be bullied by the same guys who did this"—she gestures to my face—"to you, whether you guys are dating or not. Cyrus, he needs you now more than ever."

I stay silent, contemplating how everything became so complicated. 

"Call TJ," Buffy says. 

She waits silently for a response, which comes a moment later in the form of a nod.

"Okay," I say with a sniffle. "You're right."

"Of course I'm right," she responds. 

"Buffy."

"I'm kidding," she says with a laugh. 

I laugh along with her then remove my hands from hers to wipe away my tears with my sleeves. 

"Thank you," I say. 

She smiles. "Just another service we provide."

She picks up the torn photo of TJ and I again and places it in my hand. 

"I'm going to go," she says. "You call him, okay?"

I nod, and she smiles before standing up and leaving through the door. When she's gone, I steal the telephone from my parents' bedroom and bring it back to mine. I punch in the memorized numbers while I sit in the yellow light of my bedroom. 

Moonlight peeks in through the open window, reminding me that it's already getting late, and the cool breeze makes my hairs stand on end. Outside, a branch from the big oak tree in the yard hangs down, and the sound of its rustling leaves floats into my bedroom, but I'm focused on the ringing coming through the telephone speaker. 

When nobody answers, I assume TJ must be either asleep or avoiding me. I hope it's not the latter, but I wouldn't blame him if it is. I've never heard the answering machine intro before, and I melt under the cuteness of a young TJ's voice.

"Hi. You've reached the K—Amber, stop. You've reached the Kippens. We're not here right now, so please leave a message."

A tone sounds.

"TJ?" I say, my voice quivering. "Look, I know you're probably really mad at me right now, but I made a huge mistake. I was so stupid to break up with you, and I'm so sorry. I just couldn't stand the thought of you getting hurt like I did, and I didn't know what to do, so this seemed like the solution." My talking becomes rambling as I go on, saying, "And I realize that doesn't make any sense, because people are still going to try to hurt you, and I'm so sorry I didn't figure that out sooner. TJ, I'd walk across broken glass to be with you, and I want to be there when you need me, and I promise you—I promise you I'll never push you away again if you just forgive me. TJ"—my voice fades to a whisper—"I love you."

A rustling noise catches my attention, and I whip my head around to see the green-eyed boy sitting on the branch outside my window. He sticks his foot into the room and ducks his head in after it. 

"Talk about a late response," TJ says with a grin. 

I drop the phone and practically leap off of my bed to run into his arms, which catch me in their warmth. A day was too long to be apart from him. Being back in his hold, I don't know how I managed to survive without this. I wonder how long it would've taken before I would go completely insane. 

"Why didn't you come through the front door?" I ask, my head still tucked into the space between his shoulder and his neck. 

"I've seen this in movies," he replies. "I thought it would be romantic."

"It is."

I remove my arms from around him and grab the collar of his hoodie, pulling him down to kiss me. His arms hug my waist, sealing me against him, and I realize that the goosebumps I have are no longer from the cold, but from him. It feels like restarting a fire with gasoline rather than wood. There's more electricity in my pulse, more warmth in being close to him, and more desire in the way his tongue moves with mine. It's just more. And I love it. And I love him. 

____________________________________

**TJ's POV**

 

I smile all the way home. I'm back with Cyrus, and the world feels right again. And he loves me. He loves me like I love him. I don't know if I'll ever stop smiling. Maybe my parents will send me to a doctor to get the muscles in my face looked at. I wonder what the doctor would say. Would they have seen this before? Has anyone ever felt as happy as I do right now? 

I step into the house and go toward the kitchen. As I enter the room, my father turns to look at me, his face hard as stone. 

As I scan the sight of my dad standing by the answering machine, his finger resting on the play button, I suddenly realize something that I should've thought about before, but I was too preoccupied with thinking about Cyrus to put the pieces together: Cyrus left a message when he called me. And judging by my father's face, it looks like that message has been played. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, I'm gonna need another "spicy" or I'm gonna throw hands, because I put my heart and soul into that moment. Second, look at this. The first cliffhanger of the book. A little overdue, but here it is. I couldn't leave it so happy and unproblematic. Then what would bring people back to read the rest of the story? I love you. Bye!


	17. Chapter 17

**TJ's POV**

 

My dad doesn't speak. He just plays the message again. I listen closely to Cyrus' fragile voice buzzing through the speaker, but my dad looks like he's already heard it a hundred times. When it's over, he taps the stop button and flicks his eyes back to me. 

"What is this?" he asks. "Is this some joke? Are you part of some weird role-playing game? TJ, explain why this boy is saying he loves you."

That would be one heck of a role-playing game, and I would be enormously impressed by Cyrus' acting skills.

All of a sudden, my sister enters the room, getting herself caught in the tension. She glances between my dad and I, unsure of what's going on. 

"Am I interrupting something?" she asks. 

"Uh, no," I reply. "Actually, can you stay?"

She gives me a hesitant nod and walks over to stand by the island. I need her to be here to help me through this.

Although I know the words, my body seems to scream at me to not say them. My stomach rolls over on itself, and my pulse pounds in my head.  _They're just words. I've said words before, so why are these words so different?_

"Dad," I crack out, "I'm gay."

He brings his hands up to rub his face as he steps away from the answering machine and over to the table to sit down. He lowers into the chair with a groan, and I wait anxiously for him to say something. 

"Are you mad?" I ask. 

He drops his hands down and shakes his head. 

"What would that do?" he replies. "You're still going to be gay."

I can't read his face. He looks so detached from everything happening, and I'm not sure whether to be grateful or worried. 

"Do you still love me?" I ask, feeling a tear creep its way down my right cheek.

"Of course I love you," he responds. "I'm just . . . surprised. But, hey, at least I don't have to worry about you getting some girl pregnant."

He chuckles and I let out a laugh of my own. The relief comes over me so fast that I feel a little dizzy as my heart rate plummets back down to a normal level and my muscles relax. 

Then Amber speak up, saying, "I'm glad you feel that way, Dad—" she steps around the island to stand beside me "—because I'm gay too."

My dad lets out a sigh. "As long as someone carries on the family name, I'm fine with it."

Amber and I share a smile. 

"Okay, so back to that message," my dad starts. "So Cyrus isn't your friend. He's your boyfriend?"

I nod, failing to keep in the grin returning to my face. "Yeah, he's my boyfriend," I say. 

My dad nods and looks to Amber. "What about you? Do you have some secret girlfriend? Let me guess: is it that Amy or whoever—the girl you keep bringing over?"

"Andi," Amber corrects, and I look to her in surprise. "She's not my girlfriend yet, but hopefully she will be soon."

I can't believe I didn't guess that. Andi's the girl she told me about. That makes so much sense. 

"Okay, well," my dad huffs as he stands up, "I'm going to go break the news to your mother."

"Do you think she'll be okay with it?" Amber asks. 

Dad shrugs. "She'll probably be disappointed that we won't be getting any biological grandchildren, but I'm sure she'll get over it."

When my dad leaves the room to go upstairs, Amber throws her arms around me in a hug. 

"I can't believe we did that," she says. "I'm so proud of you."

"You too," I respond. 

I let her go, and we both sit down at the table. Coming out to my dad has caused me to be both mentally exhausted and energized at the same time. 

"So you're back with Cyrus?" Amber checks. 

"Yup. And you and Andi?"

"Yeah." 

Her face dims as she thinks about that while picking at her painted fingernails. 

"TJ," she says after a moment, "do you think Holly would be okay with me and Andi?'

Amber loved Holly, and I think it's hard for her to know that Holly is still somewhere out there, yet she can't be with her. But she's moving on, and she feels guilty for that. 

"Amber," I respond, "Holly would want you to be happy, whether that's with her or someone else."

She nods and reaches to dab away the tears that have formed beneath her eyes.

"Yeah, I guess," she breathes. "It just feels weird, you know? If she were still here, we'd probably still be together."

"Maybe," I say. "Or maybe not. You can't dwell on what-ifs forever. You have to move on."

She takes a moment to let that sink in before responding, "It's all just so messed up, how people like us are treated."

"I know."

"I loved Holly," she goes on, "I did. But now I like Andi, and that's okay."

"It's completely okay," I assure her.

She smiles through her tears and reaches to give my hand a squeeze. 

"Thank you," she whispers. "You are the best little brother I could ever ask for."

"And you're almost the best sister," I respond.

"Almost?"

I shrug. "You'd be better if you did my chores for me."

She gives my shoulder a punch as I chuckle. 

"Hey, I had to try," I say. 

Her laughter seems to block her tears from continuing to flow down, and she reaches her arm over my shoulder to pull me into a hug. 

_____________________________________

**Cyrus' POV**

 

A ringing wakes me up, and I reach over to where I had put the telephone on my bedside table to answer it. 

"Hello," I mutter, my eyelids still heavy. 

"Did I wake you?" TJ asks on the other end of the call. 

"Yeah," I reply, "but I like talking to you, so I don't mind."

"That's good, because I wanted to tell you something. I came out to my dad tonight."

I jolt fully awake at that, sitting up in my bed now, my eyes wide. 

"Really? TJ, I'm so proud of you. What made you want to do that?"

"Well," he starts, "it wasn't really my choice."

"What do you mean?" 

"You know that message you left when you called me?"

I didn't even think about that. I was so emotional that I had forgotten about his parents completely. I can't believe I was so reckless as to put my boyfriend in danger like that. 

I shrivel up, pulling my knees to my chest as I try to stop my mind from running through every bad scenario that could've played out as a result of that message. 

"TJ, I'm so sorry—"

"It's okay," he cuts me off. "Everything worked out. My parents are fine with it, and Amber even came out to them too."

"Yeah, but it could've turned out so bad—"

"It didn't," he reassures me. 

"You're not upset?"

"Nah. I get it. Love got in the way of your better judgement. I tend to have that effect on people."

He chuckles, and I feel my face turn red.

"Wow, okay," I respond. "I didn't mean to feed your ego."

"I'm just teasing you," he says. "I do it because I love you."

"Yeah, I know," I say. "I love me too."

"You really are a piece of work, you know that?"

I laugh, thinking about how, if he were here, he'd probably be shaking his head at me in an attempt to try to look mad, but the grin on his face would give him away. I'd call him out on that, and he'd insist that he's not smiling. I'd say I saw already saw his grin, and he'd say how I can't see him smiling if he's kissing me. Then he'd lean in, and neither of us would let go until something forces us to separate. 

"I'm glad it went well with your parents," I say. 

"Yeah. It's nice to know that I'll have some support at home, since I know school is going to suck."

That makes me frown. "I wish it would be easier."

"It is," he responds, "when you're with me."

His words register in my mind the same way as the hourly chime of a clock would; they're a reminder of what I already know but had lost track of due to everything else going on around me. 

"I need to go to sleep, but I don't want to stop talking to you," I say after a moment. 

"Do you want me to stay on the line while you fall asleep?" he asks.

"Well, you'll still call me tomorrow night, right? No matter what happens at school tomorrow?"

"Right."

"Then I don't need to keep the phone on."

I needed that when he was a question, a possibility that could be stolen from me at any moment. He used to be velcro to me, easily removable and temporary. I was never sure if we would be together the next day, or if something would manage to pull us apart. Now I'm convinced that he's been welded into this spot, and nothing could break him away, not as long as he wants to be with me—which I know he does. 

"Okay," he responds, "but I think I'm gonna stay on anyway."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I like knowing you're right here."

"I'm always right here," I say. 

"Now, Goodman, don't go making me all sappy," he says with a laugh.

I grin as I laugh along then say, "Goodnight, TJ."

"Goodnight, Cyrus."

I sit the phone down on the bedside table and lie back, pulling the covers up over my shoulders. Right as I close my eyes, I hear three more words buzz through the phone. They're barely audible from this distance, but I still catch them when they float toward me. 

"I love you," comes TJ's faint voice. 

"I love you too," I say back.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This turned out longer than I thought it would be, so that's nice. I love you all! I'm going to try to write one more chapter today, so we'll see how that goes. I likely won't have any new chapters up tomorrow, because I'm going on a ROAD TRIP. Yes. Anyway, thanks for reading. We'll see if I write another chapter. Maybe I'll be motivated once I get an A&W Beyond Meat Burger. Have a dandy day! Bye!


	18. A Dude Who Likes Other Dudes

**Cyrus' POV**

 

TJ and I walk up to school side by side. Everybody already knows we're together at this point, so there's no point in pretending we don't know each other. Still, we're not quite stupid enough to dare hold hands here. 

Right away, a familiar face turns to look at us, and I tense up. I can feel the effort TJ's is using to keep his hand from grabbing mine to comfort me, and it lingers between us, colouring the air I breathe. 

"Hey, f*ggy," Joe snipes. "I see you brought your boyfriend today."

A few eyes from the surrounding groups of kids turn to us as TJ steps up to Joe, his chin high like he's ready to fight, which worries me. 

"Leave him alone, Joe," TJ snaps. 

"Yeah?" Joe retorts. "And what are you gonna do if I don't, huh?"

He shoves TJ's chest, and my boyfriend stumbles backward. I see a fire light in his eyes, and his fist clenches by his side. Right as it looks like he's about to make a move, I shout to him. 

"TJ!" 

My voice makes TJ freeze, and Joe eyes me, curious as to what's going to happen. 

"Don't," I say to my boyfriend. 

TJ's hand relaxes, and he turns around, his head down. Joe and his friends break into laughter at TJ's retreat, and I can see on TJ's face that he hates it, but he still continues up to me. 

"I hate him," TJ utters. 

"I know," I respond, "but you want to protect me right? You can't do that if you're expelled."

He sucks in a harsh breath and nods, understanding the situation. 

"Come on," I say. "Let's go inside."

He follows as I step down the pathway toward the school, but I can still feel the anger burning behind his stone cold face. 

______________________________________

**TJ's POV**

 

"I'll see you at lunch, okay?" Cyrus says.

"See you," I reply.

He turns away from me to leave down the hall to his first class. As I'm about to go to my locker, I'm stopped by Buffy's approach. 

"Kippen!" she calls. 

"Slayer!" I respond back. 

The girl steps up, stopping in front of me. "I've got to talk to you."

"About what?"

She glances around at the people passing by, then she says, "Can I actually talk to you in the stairwell?" 

She points to the side stairwell, and I follow her over to its doors. She probably wants to say something about Cyrus and I. Otherwise, we wouldn't have to get away from prying ears like this. As the door falls shut, she spins to face me. 

"I shouldn't have pushed you to play that game," she says, "and you don't have to stop being team captain."

"Wait, it  _the_  Buffy Driscoll apologizing?"

"No. I'm just admitting I was wrong. There's a difference."

"I'll take it," I say. "What caused this change of heart?"

"Cyrus," she replies. "He really cares about you."

"Well, I'll have to thank him later."

"He's really persistent that you're actually a good person," Buffy goes on, "so you better not prove him wrong."

"Okay, now I get it," I say. "You're giving me the protective friend speech."

She tilts her head, giving me a sassy smile. "You know it."

"Well, you don't have to worry," I assure her. "I'm not going to hurt him."

Buffy inspects my expression, her skepticism transparent. 

"Crazy enough, I believe you," she says. 

"Since we're apologizing," I start, "I'm sorry for being such a jerk to you."

"Yeah, you really were a jerk, weren't you?"

I roll my eyes as she laughs. 

"Treat Cyrus well, and we won't have any problems," she tells me. 

"So we're good?" I ask. 

"Yeah," she replies, "we're good."

I hold my hand up in a fist, and she follows my lead, giving it a bump with hers. 

"Thank goodness," I say. "I thought I was going to have to make a rap apology or something."

"You still can," she says with a grin. 

"I think I'll pass."

She shrugs, laughing along with me. 

"Okay," she says. "But just because we're good now, don't expect me to not rub my team's victory in your face."

One thing's for sure: Buffy's stubborn as hell. But there's a certain charm behind her stubbornness, and I think she would be missing a part of her personality without it. 

"Yup," I say. "I wouldn't expect anything less."

______________________________________

At lunch, Cyrus finds me by my locker. I've been dying to see his smile all morning, and the real thing is just as perfect as I remember it. 

"Hey," he says. "Are you going to join me for lunch? You can bring Reed and Lester."

"Yeah, sure," I reply, "but I do have something I need to do first."

A look of concern flashes on his face. 

"I'm not going to do anything dumb," I promise him. "Don't worry."

"Okay," he responds with a nod, "because I like your face the way it is. I'd rather it not turn into a bruised mess like mine."

He laughs, but I can't bring myself to join him. My mind had blocked out the red marks on his skin, but now that he's brought it up, I can't peel my eyes away from the blemishes. My sight travels from the scabbing gash by his lip to the cut on his nose, and down to the greenish bruise on his collar bone. 

"It's fine," he says, noticing where my focus has turned to. "I'm okay."

I fall to the side, leaning against my locker as I look at my beaten-up boyfriend.

"It's not," I respond. "Nobody should be allowed to do this to you."

"Nor to you," he says, "so please don't try to confront anybody. As tough and intimidating as I know you are, you aren't Superman."

"Yeah, I guess I don't have the suit," I joke. 

He scrunches up his face in disapproval. 

"What?" I say. "You don't like Superman's suit?"

"I don't," he responds. "Capes are super impractical, not to mention ugly."

"Ugly, huh? Even on me?"

He bites his lip before replying quietly, "Well, maybe not on you, but that's irrelevant."

"Aww," I whisper, careful to make sure nobody around us can hear, "but I wanted to hear more about how attractive you think I am."

Cyrus lets out a puff of annoyance, but his grin and the way his cheeks turn pink expose his real emotions. 

"I hate you," he teases. 

"You love me," I whisper back with a grin. 

He raises an eyebrow at that, his smile reinforcing that I'm right. 

"I'm gonna go to the cafeteria," he says. "Find me once you're done with whatever not dumb thing you're doing."

"Yup."

He departs toward the lunch room, and I open my locker to grab my lunch bag before heading off in the same direction. I enter the room and spot my former teammates sitting together at a table. They all go quiet as I approach them. 

"Yo," I say. 

A few of them exchange glances before Julien speaks up, "'Sup?"

"I assume you've heard by now," I say, not wanting to be specific in case they haven't. 

"That you're gay?" Tony responds. "Yeah, we heard."

The guys remain silent, a few of them keeping their eyes away from mine, and it hurts just as much as any names they could call me. 

"Look, I'm still me," I tell them. "Nothing's changed."

One of my teammates, Ronnie, whispers something into the ear of the boy next to him, Jedidiah, and it earns him a push to the shoulder from Tony. 

"Shut up, man," Tony says to him. "I'm with TJ on this." My teammate gets up and comes over to stand next to me. "TJ's just a dude who likes other dudes. That's it. It's just like how we like chicks, but with dudes."

"Thanks, man," I say to Tony, and he gives me a smile. 

"I'm with TJ too," comes another voice, one from a boy named Riccardo. 

A smile grows on my face as more and more of my teammates agree. Pretty soon, everyone is convinced, even Ronnie and Jedidiah. 

"Cool," I breathe, amazed by everyone's support. 

Tony gives me a firm pat on the back, saying, "Too bad you ain't on the team anymore. It won't be the same without you, man."

"About that," I say, "Buffy and I worked things out. Any chance you guys would take me back? I don't even need to be captain if you don't want me to."

"We want you to," Julien tells me. 

I smile in gratitude. 

"And, hey, can you bring that boyfriend of yours to the games?" Riccardo asks. "It'll throw off the other teams."

The guys chuckle, and I laugh along with them. 

"Sure," I say. "I'll make sure he's there."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another shorter chapter, but there are three left, and I'm excited. The next probably won't be up until Wednesday or Thursday, depending on how things go. Thanks for reading! I love you all! Bye!


	19. A Political Statement

**Cyrus' POV**

 

"So how long have you two been together?" Andi asks. 

She sits across from me at the lunch table, along with Jonah and Buffy. TJ is still off doing whatever it is he needed to do. I just hope he hasn't broken someone's jaw without me there to stop him. 

"Uh." I shove a spoonful of salad in my mouth as I respond, hoping she doesn't fully hear my answer. "A month."

Her eyes widen. "A month? You've been keeping it from us for that long?"

"Please don't be mad," I beg. "I really don't need that right now."

"It's all good," Jonah says. Then he looks over at Andi. "Right, Andi?"

Andi lets out of puff of annoyance, but agrees, "Yeah."

As she takes another bite of her banana, my boyfriend walks up behind her, along with his friends, Reed and Lester. TJ gives me a smile before winding around the table to sit down next to me. His shoulder skims mine, reminding the butterflies in my stomach that he still makes me feel like I'm walking on air whenever he touches me. 

"TJ's joining us, huh?" Buffy comments. 

I glance over at TJ, then back to her. "Is that a problem?"

"Nope," Buffy answers. "It's totally fine."

Her and TJ share a smile, then TJ moves on to introducing his friends who sit down beside him. 

"Guys, this is Reed and Lester."

My friends wave to his, but the meeting is cut off by the sound of a girl's voice behind me, and I twist around to see a girl with long, wavy hair pulled back in butterfly clips. Her voice is like nails on a chalkboard as she talks to her friend who has a bulky, purple scarf around her neck, which is rendered useless in keeping her warm by her spaghetti-strap tank top. 

"See, Beth," butterfly clip girl tells her friend, "TJ wasn't into you, because he's into boys. Like, honestly, what a freak."

I put my hand on TJ's under the table when I feel his body tense up beside me, and he immediately softens, sliding his fingers through mine. 

Buffy, on the other hand, has stolen Reed's job, shooting up out of her seat before he can. 

"Oh, shut up, Brittany," she snaps. "You're just mad because he can get a boyfriend, and you can't."

Butterfly clip girl, Brittany, drops her mouth in shock of Buffy's outburst, but all of my friends have the biggest smiles on their faces as they watch the two girls walk away in defeat. As Buffy flips her hair and sits back down, TJ and I still keep our stares on her. After a second, she looks up from her food. 

"What?" she asks. 

"That was really cool of you," TJ tells her. 

"I was just doing what I had to," she explains. "Nobody gets to insult you but me."

TJ chuckles, and Buffy continues to pretend that she still doesn't like TJ, but I can see through her cold face that that dislike is fading. 

"That works for me," TJ responds, nearly cracking Buffy's stone face into a smile. 

"Hey, TJ," I ask, "what was that thing you needed to do?"

"Oh, I was just setting things straight with my teammates."

I perk up. "Does that mean you're back on the team?"

"Yup," he replies, "and I'm still the captain."

"That's great," I say. "So did you tell them about—"

"Yeah," he answers before I can finish. "They're cool with it. But they do have one condition. They want you at every game to confuse the other teams and give us an advantage."

"I can do that."

TJ smiles at me and squeezes my hand tighter under the table. I expect him to let go, but he doesn't, not all through lunch, and I have no complaints. I like feeling his hand and knowing he's still right there next to me. 

______________________________________

TJ wakes me at the end of his basketball practice. I had fallen asleep on the bleachers while watching him playing with his team, who were all super kind about letting me sit in and observe. TJ's soft smile is the first thing I see as I regain consciousness, and he's even cuter than in my dream. 

"You're all sweaty," I say. 

"Makes sense, since I just had practice," he responds with a laugh. 

I sit up and let him take my hand to help me onto my feet before we start walking out of the gym together. 

"At least you smell nice," I say. "You kinda smell like Fruit Loops."

He laughs. "I don't think that's what my deodorant was going for, but I can't say I'm mad about it."

"I like Fruit Loops."

"Oh, then I'm definitely not mad about it."

I laugh, and he holds the door open for me as I step into the empty hallway. I turn around to wait for him to come back to my side before I continue walking toward my locker. When we get there, I twist the code into the lock and swing the metal door open, only remembering the pile of papers at the bottom once TJ's eyes have already found it. 

"What is all this?" he asks. 

He bends down to check out the mess of crumpled notes, and I scramble to come up with an answer. 

"They're, um—"

"Cyrus," he says, cutting me off. 

He stares at one of the papers in his hand, scanning the volatile words written in black marker. My stomach twists as I try to remember just how many days this has been happening for, and how many days I've not told TJ about it. I made it seem like it was nothing when I told him on the first day. That was back when I believed it  _was_ just nothing. Now the pained look in his eyes reinforces that I was so wrong. 

TJ stays silent, although it looks like he's screaming inside. I think he just doesn't know what to say. After a moment, he stands up and reaches for my pencil case off the top shelf of my locker. I watch as he lowers back down to the floor and pulls out some of my pencil crayons. He flips the paper over and presses the inked side to the floor. On the blank side, he draws six curved lines, creating a rainbow. It somehow seems to undermine the vulgar phrase on its other side. The innocent picture sticks to the page, even though its neighbour wants it dead. It doesn't care about any of that hate. it simply exists. 

I sit down next to TJ and lean my head on his shoulder, looking at his drawing. 

"It's lovely," I say. 

He shifts his arm out from between us to put it around me, pulling me closer. 

"You're underappreciated as an artist," I add. 

He smiles and rubs my shoulder as he responds, "Imagine if we did this to all of those."

"That'd be pretty," I say. 

"And we could let other people see how pretty it would be," he goes on. "Everybody already knows about us anyway, so we're already going to be bullied. How about we give our lockers a little redecorating?"

I tilt my head up to match my eyes with his. "That's quite a power move," I say. 

"It's a political statement," he responds. 

I grin and move to position myself on his lap, my knees on either side of his waist. He runs his hands down my arms until they reach my fingers and intertwine those. It's nice having nobody left in the school at this time in the evening, aside from TJ's basketball buddies, because we don't have to worry about keeping our distance like we do during the day. 

"Since when do you care about politics?" I ask. 

"I've been getting into it lately," he explains. "I think it's important to know about politics, because it affects us all."

"So I have a boyfriend who genuinely cares about the future of our country," I conclude. "You know, I didn't think you could get any more attractive."

"And you were wrong?" he guesses. 

"Very."

I lean in to kiss him, and the electricity sparks through us. It feels secure and comfortable, knowing that the people who wrote those notes are long gone, but all of a sudden, our safe place is intruded by a voice, causing TJ and I to snap apart. 

"Boys," the teacher passing by says, "I'm not homophobic, but, for heaven's sake, you're in a school; get your tongues out of each other's throats."

The teacher carries on down the hallway, and I look back to TJ, who is now a blushing mess. The shock of fear drains out of me, causing me to laugh. I climb back down to sit on the floor next to my boyfriend, and he reaches back into my locker to pull out another note. As he colours another rainbow onto the paper, I stare at the boy, not even realizing I'm doing it until he glances up and gives me a smile, making my heart flutter again. 

______________________________________

**TJ's POV**

 

Cyrus and I enter the school the next morning with his friends. Instantly, their mouths drop in shock when they see Cyrus' locker. I had nearly forgotten about what we had done yesterday. I figured we would probably regret it today, but seeing it puts a smile on Cyrus' face, which causes mine to take the same form. 

People chatter as they glance over at the locker covered in tiny rainbow drawings from top to bottom. Cyrus and I had gotten a little carried away and had torn up extra sheets of paper to ensure we could fill the entirety of my both of our lockers. I certainly had some second thoughts. Hell, I had third, fourth, and fifth thoughts, but Cyrus was determined to follow through with this. How he keeps all that confidence in such a short body, I don't know, but I'm glad it's there, because it pushes me to have faith as well. 

"Did you guys do this?" Jonah asks. 

Cyrus nods in response. 

"That's," Andi starts, "brave."

"You can say that again," Buffy says. 

And that's when the guys I knew would show up do, and Cyrus steps in closer to me as though he can sense the anger rising beneath my skin. 

"You f*gs are seriously this proud to be so fucking disgusting? You two are sick," Joe snarls. 

"Joe, stop!" comes the voice of his Joe's henchman in glasses which sit crooked on his nose. I don't recall them being crooked the last time I saw him. Something must've happened to damage them since yesterday.

Joe turns to look at his friend, caught off guard by his interruption. 

"I can't do this anymore," glasses kid says. 

"Chase, what the hell are you talking about?" Joe interrogates. 

Glasses boy, Chase, flickers his eyes over to Cyrus and I before looking back to Joe. 

Then he takes a breath and says, "I'm gay too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I came up with this idea and couldn't stop dying from laughing at how shook everyone would be, so I decided to actually go with it, cause why the hell not, you know? Anyway, that's the chapter. Two more left. I hope you like it. Yeah. Thanks. Bye.


	20. Good in Everybody

**TJ's POV**

 

Joe stares at his friend, his disapproval of Chase's statement clear as day on his face. Cyrus and I share a glance, both fighting back the smiles that pull at our lips. Behind Chase, the third boy, Aiden, steps up and grabs his wrist, causing Chase to turn back to him. 

"What are you doing?" Aiden asks, a look of terror in his eyes. 

"Aiden, you can continue with this if you want, but I'm done," Chase tells him, the boy's words crackling as tears threaten his eyes. "I don't want to hide it anymore."

"But Aiden—"

"It's not about you. You can continue to tease these guys for being gay, but I'm not."

Everyone in the hallway is silent as we watch whatever it happening unfold between the two boys. What happens next is so unbelievable that the three seconds it takes Aiden to remove his hand from Chase's wrist and wind it through Chase's fingers feels like an instant.

"Joe, I'm gay too," Aiden finally says. 

My eyes flicker over to Joe who stands in a mixture of confusion and disgust, clearly not sure what to do. 

After a moment, all Joe can get out is, "What the fuck? This is a joke, right?"

Both Aiden and Chase shake their heads, and Joe's eyes study the connected hands of the two boys. 

Then Joe steps backward, mumbling, "Fucking f*gs," as he walks away from the scene. 

The people around begin talking again at the end of the show, but Cyrus and I are still quiet. Only now, his hand has risen up to find mine. I keep my gaze on Aiden and Chase, but when they catch me staring, Aiden says something in Chase's ear, and they both take off in a hurry down the hall. 

Jonah is the first of our friends to speak, saying, "Well, that was a fun twist."

"No kidding," Buffy responds. 

The three friends turn to Cyrus and I, all still trying to process what they just witnessed. 

"I guess your rainbow locker idea  _was_  a good one," Andi says.

"Definitely a political statement," Cyrus adds, looking up at me. 

I smile and let go of his hand to put my arm around him, bringing him in closer. 

_______________________________________

I see Cyrus outside of the principal's office. He looks just as concerned as I do as he steps up to me and hooks his arm through mine in worry. 

"Why do you think we were called here?" he asks. 

"I'm not sure," I respond.

"The principal probably don't like what we did to our lockers," he says with a frown. "Why does everyone want us apart?"

"You don't know that," I say. "He could just want to compliment us on our artistic abilities."

"You don't believe that."

"No, I don't," I say with a sigh. 

Cyrus lets me go as we push through the door to the principal's office. Dr. Metcalf sits in his cushioned office chair, wearing a grey suit. He's been our principal since middle school, because he switched schools the same year we did. 

"Take a seat, boys," Metcalf says. 

Cyrus and I lower nervously into the two wooden chairs across from Metcalf at the large desk. 

"Are we in trouble?" Cyrus asks, unable to wait any longer.

Metcalf blinks in silence for a second before answering, "No."

"Then why were we called here?" Cyrus goes on.

"Cyrus," I say, placing my hand on his wrist, "let's let him talk."

Cyrus nods and he takes in a long breath, then he looks back to Metcalf. 

Metcalf clears his throat before saying, "Well, I've been made aware of some bullying going on toward you two. Now, whether or not I agree with this relationship you have is irrelevant. We don't tolerate bullying at Grant, and I wanted to let you two know that the boys who are responsible for hurting you and writing those vulgar notes are being punished."

"Detention won't stop this from happening again," I argue, glancing over at my boyfriend's beaten up face. 

"Of course," Metcalf agrees. "That's why one has been expelled. Since the other two were the ones who came forward about this, they're receiving a lighter punishment, but you won't have to worry about them nor any bullying from those boys again."

"Not at school," I rephrase for him. 

"Yes," he says. "Unfortunately, we can't watch you two outside of school."

I nod, subconsciously reaching for Cyrus' hand to make sure he's still there and okay. Metcalf eyes our hands, but doesn't comment on them. 

"I believe that's it, then," Metcalf says, standing up to usher us toward the door. "I hope you two stay safe."

Cyrus and I give him a nod of thanks as we exit. After stepping back out into the hallway, it's easy to feel the tension of Metcalf trying to hold in his true thoughts drop. It wasn't hard to tell that he wasn't in full support of Cyrus and I, but I appreciate his attempt to remain objective. 

Across the hall, I spot the two boys, Aiden and Chase, quickly avert their eyes and continue walking down the hall. 

Cyrus notices me watching them and says, "I forgive them."

It's hard for me to take that in, knowing what they did to the boy I love, but Cyrus' reassurance that it's okay for me to let go of this anger is a good place to start. 

"I figured you would," I respond. "You see good in everybody."

"Because there  _is_ good in everybody," Cyrus explains. 

These boys made Cyrus cry on the street at a party, gave him a bleeding lip, and ultimately caused him to break up with me when I needed him most. Never once had I thought about what they might have going on, but it's Cyrus' faith in humanity that allows him to let go of his grudge and move on. It's the same open-heartedness that drew him to me. Now, with him telling me there's good in the boys who broke both of our hearts, I think I'm starting to believe that.

_____________________________________

**Cyrus' POV**

 

After school, Buffy, Andi, Jonah and I stroll out of the school together. 

"Why aren't you staying for TJ's practice?" Buffy wonders. 

"My dad's picking me up today," I explain. "He wants to take me out for father-son bonding time."

"Have you told him about TJ yet?" Jonah asks. 

I shake my head. "I haven't found the right time."

"Speaking of not finding the right time," Andi says, speaking for the first time since meeting up at the end of the school day, "I have something I need to tell you guys."

We all stop walking to turn to her, and her face flushes in the fright of whatever it is she's trying to say. 

"Amber . . ." she starts. 

"What about her?" Jonah asks. 

"She's my girlfriend," Andi says. 

We're all a little dumbfounded at first, but we quickly adjust to the news.

"Cool," Jonah says. 

"Yeah," I agree, "that's great."

Andi smiles at Jonah and I, then she looks to the last friend. "Buffy?"

"I mean," Buffy begins, "you know I'm not exactly her biggest fan, but I'm trying to not be judgemental—"

"How's that going?" Jonah cuts in.

"So," Buffy continues louder, ignoring Jonah's comment, "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks," Andi responds. 

While Andi and Buffy share a hug, I catch sight of my dad's car pulling up to the curb. 

"My dad is here," I say. "I'll talk to you guys tomorrow."

They wave as I turn around to go over to my dad's car. I open the door and hop inside, trying to think of something to say that doesn't involve mentioning TJ, but my mind draws a blank. 

"Hi," I say. 

"Hi, how was your day?" my dad asks. 

"Good," I say. 

The vehicle starts moving, and my mind falls back to TJ, unable to think of anything else. Maybe this is the time for me to tell my dad. Then again, if this doesn't go well, I can't leave unless I want to jump out of the moving car. 

"Are you okay?" Dad wonders. "You're really quiet."

"Yeah, I'm okay," I reply in a breath, "and I'm also gay."

My dad slows the car to stop at a stop sign, and I realize that now is my chance to tuck and roll onto the road if needed. But my dad's silence doesn't feel angry; it's calm. When the car starts moving again, I know my opportunity to flee has passed. 

"You think I didn't know?" Dad says, catching me off guard. 

"Wait, you knew?"

"Cyrus, your mom is wonderful, but that woman can't keep a secret for her life."

He chuckles, and I follow along, feeling my nerves relax. 

I continue to let the truth flow out, saying, "And TJ—"

"—is your boyfriend?" my dad finishes. "Yeah, she told me that too. I was wondering when you were going to say something about that."

"Oh," I say, letting out a breath. "This is easier than I thought it would be."

"You thought I wouldn't accept you?"

"No, it's just . . . I wasn't sure."

"Cyrus, you're my son, first and foremost, and I'm always going to support you."

Now I can feel the waterworks building up behind my eyes, and I struggle to hold them in.

"Thanks, Dad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter! I'm going to try and have it up today. I'm also going to try to post the first part of my next story, which I'm super pumped for, so please, if you love me, read it! Thanks for reading this, and I love you all. See you soon!


	21. Epilogue

**Cyrus' POV**

 

"Thanks for coming tonight," Kim says over the microphone. "I know it was hard to get here through the rain, but it will certainly be worth it." 

The audience claps. At the back of the room, Andi and Amber are cuddled up together in a booth to watch the poets, while TJ and I sit in our usual spot. 

"Our first poet is one you all know of, so let's give a huge round of applause for TJ."

TJ's arm slides out from around me, and I look at him, surprised.

"You're doing a poem?" I say. 

He nods. "But I need to get up, so . . ."

I stand up off his lap to let him step up to the microphone. He unfolds a sheet of paper from his back pocket as I sit back down. Even before he starts speaking, I'm already captivated.

"Hi, um," he says, his nervous jitters visible in the way his hands shake. "This is a poem about a really special person, so . . . yeah. Here it is."

He takes a breath to prepare himself. The moment he starts performing, all of his nerves vanish.

 

"Before I met you,  
I didn't breathe. I lived like a  
shadow on a wall.  
There, but not solid. I  
didn't understand what it was like to be awake, but  
I understood what it wasn't.

"Awake is not the pressure of water above my head, whispering that  
it's going to fall. It's  
not the smell of an old space heater waiting until  
the sky is black before showing off its flames. It's  
not crawling on my knees to keep people from seeing  
the bruises I have from the gravel, but I  
still keep crawling, because  
that's comfortable to me.

"Awake is you  
and I, and  
lying in your basement,  
pretending to watch TV when  
we both know we're only watching each other.  
It's the late night phone calls, and how I  
now keep the telephone on my bedside table, because  
I don't want to miss your call.  
Awake is feeling my lungs fill with more than just sour, but sweet,  
the sweet from your kiss that I  
take in like oxygen. You steal the  
air from my chest, but you don't have to.  
I will gladly share my breath with you."

 

The crowd's snaps morph into claps as people realize that's the end of the poem. TJ comes back over to sit down in the seat with me. My eyes stay on him and his simple smile which makes it seem like he didn't just heat up my heart and give me butterflies from his words. 

"What?" he asks.

Rather than answering, I take his face in my hands and kiss him. After a moment, we drift apart, keeping our gaze locked. 

"You are an amazing poet," I tell him. 

He shrugs. "It's easy writing about things I love."

His lips find mine again, drawing me in deeper. As we kiss, I think about the last line of his poem, and I realize there's a flaw in it. It's not just about me sharing my breath with him; I want to share my everything with him. And I know, in this moment, that my everything will be safe with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it. Thanks for reading. There's a person in my backyard talking really loudly, like holy wow. Anyway, I'm going to try to write the first part of my next story after I get an A&W Beyond Meat Burger, because I have very little respect for my money apparently. I love you all! Thank you so much for reading! You all mean the world to me, and I love being able to write for people who want to read it, so thank you so much for that!


End file.
